Turning a corner...

I believe that I am turning a corner. Don't get me wrong, I can still cry at the drop of a hat, but there is more of a lightness in my attitude each day. I find myself knitting less (I started knitting August 10th and haven't really stopped in more than 6 months) and enjoying doing other things. I'm enjoying time with my friends a little more. I'm enjoying exercising and meeting with my teen girl (she's not mine, but she's a girl I hang out with a lot). I finally made an appointment with my doctor to talk about anxiety and other things. It was amazing to be able to talk with her and get some answers about things that I didn't have answers for before. I'm going to her again in a month for a followup.

I find myself thinking that I should be knitting  because I haven't been doing as much of it, but then I look at my yarn and think, "I don't need you today." It has become a little harder to start projects because I don't feel the need to compulsively knit anymore. I'm a little more choosy about what I knit since I'm not knitting just to knit anymore. I want to begin selling things, so sometimes I can't be as choosy, but it does feel nice to be choosy. I like sifting through different projects and waiting until I find the perfect yarn to begin something. there is just something super peaceful about that - knitting because I enjoy it...not because I feel like I need to in order to keep my hands busy and not think about this past year.

I'm so thankful for the years I got with my brother. He was such an amazing older brother and friend. Someone I love and respected. Someone whom I will never forget and will always with I had more time with.

6 months

6 months ago today Jason went Home. I can't believe it has been this long. It is amazing to me how time just arbitrarily moves on without our permission.

Today, I am remembering my brother with joy, but am also sad that he isn't here to celebrate with me the purchase of a new phone. I will be spending time with friends later. I love and miss my brother more than I can say, but I know that he is in a much better place. As much as I would love to be meeting up with him at Gov Cup in an hour or two, I wouldn't wish him back from where he is.