i feel

stuck...and i don't know how to get out. that's all for now. i think.

life...or something like it

so, i'm in iowa right now, and i'm leaving early tomorrow morning. me and emily are driving to omaha late tonight/early tomorrow morning, and i'm gonna be getting on a plane and flying home. it's kinda weird to think about...all i really want to do right now is head back to lynchburg and go to my apartment and be home there, but i've got time at home before i can go back out there. it's gonna be amazing summer and i'm excited for it...i'm just ready to be back in my apartment in lynchburg. anyways, i should probably get going. i'll maybe write more this summer.

it's a beautiful life

well, this is a bittersweet time of the year. classes are done today and tomorrow, and then finals are starting on friday. i'm looking forward to being home for the summer, but i'm also going to be missing out on living in my apartment for the first 2 months that we have it. i have a lot to do at home, and while i have a job, i need to find another one so that i can afford to do the drive across the country and pay to fix my car and pay my mom back for what she fixed in my car. i love the fact that i'm going to be home. i can't wait to see my friends and spend time with them. this summer is going to be amazing.

i'm in class right now, and i definitely don't want to be, but i haven't done the correct presentation for the class, so i still have to present. the teacher is going through the lesson and then it is going to be my turn.

i'm excited about classes being done and getting to go home, but i'm not so excited about not seeing everyone here for the summer. i hate how things work like that.

and, i'm convinced that emily isn't getting her $50...unless something changes a lot in either me or the other person who needs to be involved for the $50 to come into play.

well, i should probably get going. i think it's about time for me to present my day at the beach for my adult center in my daycare administration class. i don't want to give this presentation, but i don't have any other presentations or assignments for the rest of the semester. all i have to do now is get ready for my finals. joy.

it never ceases to amaze me

when God meets me where i am

i think i might die

seriously. this next week-and-a-half are going to be the death of me. i don't know how much more of this "all-nighter" crap i can take before i break down...and then with people adding things onto what's required of me this week, i think i'm about to crack. my marketing group isn't that happy with me right now, and then there's all of the other things that i have to do, and i just don't know what to do about it all. it's not like i can just not show up to work...that wouldn't be okay, and then they want me to put the marketing assignment above everything else, but that just isn't going to happen...my marketing grade definitely isn't the most important grade to me. i'd rather be doing well in the classes that actually mean something to me in my future...aka my family and child development classes and my women's ministries class. okay, i need to get back to work on my project that's due in about 15 hours...i still have a lot left to do. i hope you all are having a better end to your semester than i am.
































life is good...ETERNAL LIFE IS BETTER!!!

why

do i have to be a girl? sometimes i wonder if it is really worth it...

*sigh*

i sit here on my bed wondering exactly why i am up at this moment. i would love to be asleep right now, but for some reason, i'm not. i was up under the pretense of needing to call a few people at home, and the time difference makes it so that the best time to call them is when it is super late here...and i'm okay with that, but i've called all of the people i needed to call, and yet, i haven't gone to bed. i was thinking that i would read some more for my women's ministries class, but i'm not reading, i'm listening to music and surfing the internet, and what for, really? it's not like this is something that is going to benefit me at all...ever, and yet, i can't really seem to get myself to go to bed right now...even though i have to be up in 5 hours to get ready for my first class. it's going to be a rough morning...

i'm looking forward to the summer. i'm going to be home, and i'm pretty excited about that. i'm also going to be starting to look at internships for next summer because i need to start doing that. i don't even know what to do for an internship...seriously...it's going to be interesting trying to find something for what i want to do.

anyways, i should probably go and actually read some for women's ministries since that form is due on thursday and i still have a lot to read for it.

hunger

lately, i've been so hungry for God's Word recently. it's not like i'm even reading through a really exciting part of the Bible right now...i mean, i'm reading through Leviticus...definitely not the most exciting book to read through...but for some reason, i haven't been able to put the book down. i feel like there's so much here that i'm done with. i'm going home to work for the summer, and then i'm coming back out here and living off campus...getting all situated in my major and getting everything i can in order to start my internship.























































i hope this hunger stays for a while...















































*sigh* i'm falling in love all over again...

blog title

Okay, so you may look at the title of this particular blog entry and think: “wow…that’s original…” well, original isn’t what I’m going for…I’m going for honesty about the title of my blog site. It says that I am learning to let go. Well, God has really been showing me that letting go of myself is what brings me closer to Him. Allowing Him to take control of my life, my plans, my future, my thoughts. I’ve been looking into internships for the summer of 2008, and it’s kind of intimidating, but I know that everything will happen the way that it is supposed to, and I know that God will show me the internship that He has for me. Waiting to see what’s actually going to happen from here is kind of exciting as it is frightening because I don’t like not knowing, but I will know in His timing. It’s going to be an interesting ride.

.come.thou.fount.

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

.deeper.higher.longer.wider.

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Your love is
deeper than my view of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road i travel
wider than the gap You filled

deeper than my veiw of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road i travel
wider than the gap You filled

who shall separate us
who shall separate us from Your love
nothing can separate us
nothing can separate us from Your love

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

what have i become?

last night i was listening to my music on my computer, and this song came on that continues to break me. listening to the words just makes me think about my life and where i am right now. the first verse especially. it is "i come into this place burning to receive Your peace i come with my own chains from wars i fought for my own selfish gains. You're my God and my Father i've accepted Your Son but my soul feels so empty now, what have i become?"

over the past couple days that's what i've been thinking. what have i become? it's time for a self-examination. time to let God take away the things that are displeasing to Him. time to really look at my life and get rid of the things that don't need to be there. time to get transparent with the people around me.

i don't know how i got here, but i'm determined not to stay. i'm determined to leave this place in my life. i'm determined to never return to this place again. i'm making a change, and it's for the better.

that's all for now. i think. maybe i'll write more later, but i think now i'm gonna go have lunch with my roommate and a couple other friends.

.don't.let.me.go.

take my heart and help me feel
take my faith and make it real
take my eyes and help me see
all the love surrounding me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

take my loss and take my gain
take my trials and take my pain
take my life and let it be
all that You would have for me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

sweet Jesus

sweet Jesus, wash over me
would come and sweep me off of my feet, please
it's been two long weeks since You've heard me speak
and i was hoping that You might like to meet me
i heard You heal the broken hearted
even those who've been discarded
oh how i need You
i need to hear You say
need to hear You say

don't worry now
don't worry how
everything just seems to all work out
would You sing me now to sleep

sweet Jesus, wash over me
would come and sweep me off of my feet, please
it's been far too long since i've sang Your song
and i was hoping that You might like to meet me
i heard You heal the broken hearted
even those who've been discarded
oh how I need You
i need to hear You say
need to hear You say

don't worry now
don't worry how
everything just seems to all work out
would You sing me now to sleep

wow

God is amazing. He continues to show me daily how wonderful life with Him is. i've been told by my advsor that i can graduate in december of 2008, which is pretty exciting. then, i think i'm going to start grad school, and try to finish that asap. i'm not sure what i'm going to do after i graduate, or where i'm going to go, but i know that that will come in time. even though things are up in the air, which i hate, i am going to just trust God and see where He leads me. i now also have to figure out where i'm going to do my internship in the summer of 2008 if i really do want to graduate in december of that year, but that will all come in time. i've got to get some stuff done here before then also. anyways, i'm leaving for work soon.

and, what about you, my blog reader, what is God showing you today?

i've decided

that migraines, while you're a student, are possibly the worst thing ever. i've had one for 2 days now, and i'm thinking that it's insane that one will hold on for this long. my eyes hurt so bad that i'm wearing my glasses, but i can't find the ones that will actually correct the problem that i'm having with my eyes right now because my dorm room is such a mess. i need to make sure to take something before i go to work tonight.

why

is letting go of the things of this world so hard, and yet, i seem to let go of the things of God so easily? i know that i can't live without God, and i don't even want to try, but the things of this world are so enticing that i just can't give them up. for instance, the other day, my roommate and i went shopping for something for her, and i ended up getting a pair of shoes. now, getting a pair of shoes isn't a bad thing, but at the same time, how many pairs of shoes do i own? do i really need to buy myself another pair of shoes? the answer to the first question, i couldn't answer...i have a lot of shoes here, and a lot that i left at home. the answer to the next question is a definite no. there is no way on this earth that i needed to buy myself a new pair of shoes, but i did, and i love them. do i ever get that way about reading my Bible? or how about going to church? does that ever become something that i am so consumed about that makes me want to do absolutely nothing else?

just something to think about.

i'm hungry for God's Word right now.

.can.you.hear.it.?.

trees of life are blooming ..Your word plants the seed..and we see it growing..Your kindness leading to repentance..we see traces of deliverance..Lord, thank You for mercy..oh, can you hear it?..it’s the song of the redeemed..the pursuit of passion for the One who set us free..oh can you hear it?..we’re crying out for more..so listen to our song..it’s turning into a holy roar..a holy roar..rivers of renewal..spirit whisper a revival..and send us rushing..lord send us rushing..oh, can you hear it?..it’s the song of the redeemed..the pursuit of passion for the One who set us free..oh can you hear it?..we’re crying out for more..so listen to our song..it’s turning into a holy roar..a holy roar..open hearts with hopes of unity..we’re servants to love in lost humanity..Lord send us reaching..and we come rejoicing and singing and crying out to You Lord..can You hear the holy roar..as we respond to Who You are and all that You have done..Lord with our lives, with all that we are..we return to You, Oh God..You are holy God..we lay down our lives, our songs, these tears, Lord..can You hear the holy roar? these cries, these prayers..can You hear the holy roar?..still hear the holy roar

.here.now.

here i am once again
i pour out my heart
for i know that You hear
every cry, You are listening
no matter what state
my heart is in
You are faithful to answer
with words that are true
and a hope that is real
as i feel Your touch
You bring a freedom
to all that's within
in the safety of this place
i'm longing to
pour out my heart
to say that i love You
pour out my heart
to say that i need You
pour out my heart
to say that i'm thankful
pour out my heart
to say that You're wonderful

here i am
humbled by Your majesty
covered by Your grace so free
here i stand
knowing i'm a sinful man
covered by the blood of the lamb
now i've found
the greatest love of all is mine
since You laid down Your life
the greatest sacrifice
singing Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as i am
empty handed but alive in Your hands
singing Majesty, Majesty
forever i am changed by Your love
in the presence of Your majesty
here i am
humbled by the love that You give
forgiven so that i can forgive
here i stand
knowing that i'm Your desire
sanctified by glory and fire
now i've found
the greatest love of all is mine
since You laid down Your life
the greatest sacrifice
singing Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as i am
and i'm nothing but alive in Your hands
singing Majesty, Majesty
forever i am changed by Your love
in the beauty of Your majesty

take my heart, i lay it down
at the feet of You who's crowned
take my life, i'm letting go
i lift it up to You who's throwned
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
take my fret, take my fear
all i have i'm leaving here
be all my hopes, be all my dreams
be all my delights, be my everything
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
it's just You and me here now
only You and me here now
it's just You and me here now
only You and me here now
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord

here i am completely amazed by the grace of God. there are no words to describe how amazing it is that He has chosen to use me. little me...it doesn't seem like i can do much for Him, but for some reason He's using me. sometimes i feel so insignificant, and then i remember that i am being used by God. all i can do is tell Him that i am here. ready to be used. ready to praise Him for all that He's done in my life. serving God is one of the most amazing things ever. i hope that everyone gets to experience this at some point in their lives.

life as i know it right now

is insane. it's like i don't have time for anything except for school work, but i refuse to give up my social life. it's insane. seriously.

other than that, i have a couple classes that are pretty easy. my women's ministries class is amazing. i can't wait to have the rest of my classes for that minor. it's going to be a lot of fun. now, i'm going to watch some more prison break because i need to see the things that i missed from the first season, and i need to see the episode that i missed from last week. anyways, i hope you are all having a great week...whoever you are.