it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

seriously.

i guess it sometimes takes a while to hit me. i'm at home now, and i'm looking at the decorations that have been up for a couple weeks now, and i'm thinking "wow...it's finally starting to feel like Christmas to me." i'm needing to start my shopping and make sure i get all of that done before it's too late! now, in my defense, i've been super busy this year. i've been working 2 jobs and doing full-time online classes, but things are starting to wind down for me now, and i'm getting time to think about the things i've been able to do and the things i haven't, and let me tell you, the list of things i haven't gotten done is much longer than the list of things that i have gotten done. it's kind of crazy to think about.

i'm leaving here in just over 3 weeks, and i've gotten nothing ready to go yet...i'm so totally unprepared to leave, and yet, i can't wait to go. it's gonna be a great reunion with friends when i get there! well, i need to get going and finish my school work...i've just got 2 more tests and a set of essay questions to turn in, and then i'm done until next month! and, i'll be one month closer to being completely done with school! i'm super excited about that, but at the same time, i'm really scared to be done with school...it's kind of the fear of the unknown, i guess. well, now i really need to go. i hope that you, my reader, have a great day, and i'm taking the time right now to wish you a merry Christmas because i don't know when i'll be writing in here again...i'm not so great at keeping up with this thing.

the right place

this is kind of inspired by something someone close to me wrote recently. you know who you are...i think

i was talking with my mom the other night, and we were talking about my life over the past several months. i stayed at home for a semester to work and take online classes. while i was home, i learned some valuable lessons about who i am, and about my relationship with God. one thing i learned was that even when we don't deserve something, God can choose to bless us.

a little background to that: i recently changed my major, and for my new major, i have to have an internship. i was told that you need to start applying for internships at least 2 semesters before you want to be doing it. smart person i am didn't apply for any internships. for some reason, i thought that i would apply later, and i kept saying that to myself. then, all of a sudden, it was october, and i hadn't applied for an internship, and i wanted to be starting my internship in june. this was no good. through some random connections i have, i ended up with an interview on october 31, and i was pretty excited about that. then, i showed up for the interview-ish thing, and quickly got discouraged. they were looking for someone who needed an internship right away, and they didn't need anyone over the summer. great. then, the lady i was talking with got an idea and went into the other room and came back with someone else. this other person needed an intern for the summer and was super happy to be meeting with me. and, a couple short weeks later, i was handed a job description, and i have the internship starting in may.

so, as my mom and i were talking, she brought out this book that she used when talking with my brother at one point, and she showed it to me. the circumstances surrounding my decision to stay at home probably weren't the best things in the world, but i know that this is where i was supposed to be for this school term. here's an excerpt from what my mom showed me earlier tonight:

"Thank You that You have me in the place You want me just now...that even if I got here through wrong choices of indifference or even rebellion, yet You knew my mistakes and sins before I ever existed, and You worked them into Your plan to draw me to Yourself, to mold and bless me, and to bless others through me.

Thank You that I can safely commit my location and situation to You. I can 'be willing for you to shift me anywhere on life's checkerboard, or bury me anywhere in life's garden, gladly yielding myself for You to please Yourself with, anywhere and anyway You choose' (source unknown)

So I rest in the fact that You have me in this place for this day, and I praise You that You will faithfully guide me throughout life to just where You want me to be, as I seek to do Your will.

And most important of all is my place in You. How delighted I am to have You as my dwelling place where I can settle down, feel secure and be content anywhere on earth...You are my blessed home, 'where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble' (Andrew Murray). How my soul delights to hide in the secret of Your presence...to take refuge in the shadow of Your wings, to eat at Your table, to drink my fill of the river of Your delights. How blessed I am, my King and my God, for You have chosen me, and brought me near, to live in Your presence, to behold Your delightfulness, to seek Your counsel...And to think that I will dwell in Your house forever!"


this is something i was thinking about...if i hadn't stayed at home, i wouldn't have this amazing internship opportunity in a Christian environment with people that i enjoy being around working for a cause that i believe in.

and, although i didn't understand being torn away from the friends that had come to be a part of my daily life from september through may, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. i'm seriously so excited to be heading back to that side of the country in just over a month.

right now, something is confusing me a lot. i don't know what i should do about it, and i'm hoping that it doesn't come up before i'm 3,000 miles away listening to my friends call someone their future friend-in-law...because that makes me laugh...and it doesn't make my head hurt from listening to them...thinking about what's going on right now in my life makes my head hurt a lot, and i don't like it at all. it's kind of bittersweet...

here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above

who holds your heart?

so, i read a bumper sticker this weekend, and it said, "Dear heart, I met a boy today. Prepare to shatter."

now, in the world's eyes, this might be kind of funny, but it started making me think. are we, as humans, supposed to trust our hearts in the hands of other humans who can damage them? i know that when you are in a relationship and everything, you're going to trust that person with everything that you are, but just in general, i was really thinking about myself, i guess. i've completely given my heart to God to hold. He is the only One who has the right to in my opinion. He is the only One who isn't going to crush you or damage you, so the seat of your emotions should be rooted in Him, not in some boy or girl that you may have met recently.

i know that when you're married or in a deeply committed relationship things are going to be different. you can give that person the key to your heart.

i guess i've also been challenged by a hymn recently. the end of the last verse says, "here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above." and i truly believe that God should be the One who has our hearts in His more than capable hands. when you give your life over to Him, you are giving Him your everything, and i believe that something as simple as your heart should be in His hands instead of in the hands of another fallen human being. i believe that there would be a lot less heartache if we were to leave our hearts in the hands of their Creator and trust Him to care for them instead of trusting someone who is no better at life than we are.






okay, so i don't really know if that last post made sense to you as a reader, but it was a random thought that i had to get out, and i didn't really know where else to put it, so i thought here was a good place. and, in case you don't know and want to know, the name of the hymn i referenced earlier in the post is "Come, Thou Fount".

falling in love with these verses...

Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you. How? you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God.


2 Corinthians 5:14-21 (The Message)

life is a bit better now than it was a few weeks ago...i think i'm starting to get a hang of this whole staying at home for a semester thing...well, i should probably get back downstairs...i'm making dinner...nachos...yum!

i'm singing this today...

break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before You. when You meet me here i am found, in all my weakness. my gifts alone can't amke a sound, that You are pleased with. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.

Holy Father uncover me. You, the truth that set me free. break my pride 'till all i see, is all of You uncovering me.

Your gaze has brought me to my knees. Lord, i am broken. my heart alone is all You see, exposed and open. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.

Holy Father uncover me. You, the truth that set me free. break my pride 'till all i see, is all of You uncovering me.

break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.




title: uncover
sung by: liberty university campus praise band

okay, not a lot has happened in the last month...i just realized that i hadn't posted on here in a month and decided to give whatever readers i have a little note to say that i'm still alive!

i'm working at the courthouse athletic club in the kids court and at the salem academy preschool and daycare (yeah...that's right...2 different jobs...but both dealing with children).

so far i like both of my jobs which is nice. i LOVE working at the courthouse, and i just started at salem academy, so i'm not quite sure how that one is gonna go. well, i'm super hungry, and i have to post something on blackboard for my english class. i hope you all have a wonderful day!

so i didn't end up leaving. i'm home this semester to pay off some debt...and then go back in january. that's all for now...i think...

colbie caillat

amazing music
























































i'm leaving home in 2 weeks







































































































and i don't think i'm ready.

So, I just have to say that I love iTunes single of the week. This week is the song bubbly by colbie caillat, and I’m seriously falling in love with this song…so, I went to target last night and bought her cd. It’s definitely one that you’re gonna want to pick up, and right now, it’s only 7.98 at target. Here’s the lyrics to bubbly:

I’ve been awake for a while now
You’ve got me feeling like a child now
‘Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

The rain is falling on my windowpane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just… mmmmmmmm

And it starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
‘Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holding me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go

...

i watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the pacific and
you might think i'm losing my mind
but i will shy away from the specifics

'cause i don't want you to know where i am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest place it's ever been

this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

i talked to absolutely no one
couldn't keep to myself enough
and the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that i'll soon blow up

i heard the reverberating footsteps
synching up to the beating of my heart
and i was positive that unless i got myself together,
i would watch me fall apart

and i can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest place it's ever been

this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

who i am hates who i've been
and who i am will take the second chance you gave me
who i am hates who i've been
'cause who i've been only ever made me

so sorry for the person i became
so sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

oh, life

it's fairly interesting right now. i'm working my 2 jobs for the summer and keeping pretty busy with them...i need to try and talk with my manager and see about getting some more hours because i definitely need more hours.

today, i went out to my car to drive to work and i saw that my rear driver side tire was seriously almost flat. joy. so, i had to go to a gas station before i left for work...which, i was already running late. so, i called around and got quotes for fixing my tires, and i ended up spending about $100 for 2 new tires...and apparantly that tire just decided to be low this morning. there wasn't anything wrong with it.

and, tomorrow, i get to go spend a lot more money on getting new axles and cv boots for my car. i'm hoping that it's only one of them that needs to be fixed and not both...because then it will be a whole heck of a lot cheaper.

anyways, i should probably get going...i need to run a couple errands before i go to amy and nathan's to get my hair cut. that's right, i'm getting a hair cut...and it's going to be fairly short because my hair is pretty damaged right now. gotta go!

i feel

stuck...and i don't know how to get out. that's all for now. i think.

life...or something like it

so, i'm in iowa right now, and i'm leaving early tomorrow morning. me and emily are driving to omaha late tonight/early tomorrow morning, and i'm gonna be getting on a plane and flying home. it's kinda weird to think about...all i really want to do right now is head back to lynchburg and go to my apartment and be home there, but i've got time at home before i can go back out there. it's gonna be amazing summer and i'm excited for it...i'm just ready to be back in my apartment in lynchburg. anyways, i should probably get going. i'll maybe write more this summer.

it's a beautiful life

well, this is a bittersweet time of the year. classes are done today and tomorrow, and then finals are starting on friday. i'm looking forward to being home for the summer, but i'm also going to be missing out on living in my apartment for the first 2 months that we have it. i have a lot to do at home, and while i have a job, i need to find another one so that i can afford to do the drive across the country and pay to fix my car and pay my mom back for what she fixed in my car. i love the fact that i'm going to be home. i can't wait to see my friends and spend time with them. this summer is going to be amazing.

i'm in class right now, and i definitely don't want to be, but i haven't done the correct presentation for the class, so i still have to present. the teacher is going through the lesson and then it is going to be my turn.

i'm excited about classes being done and getting to go home, but i'm not so excited about not seeing everyone here for the summer. i hate how things work like that.

and, i'm convinced that emily isn't getting her $50...unless something changes a lot in either me or the other person who needs to be involved for the $50 to come into play.

well, i should probably get going. i think it's about time for me to present my day at the beach for my adult center in my daycare administration class. i don't want to give this presentation, but i don't have any other presentations or assignments for the rest of the semester. all i have to do now is get ready for my finals. joy.

it never ceases to amaze me

when God meets me where i am

i think i might die

seriously. this next week-and-a-half are going to be the death of me. i don't know how much more of this "all-nighter" crap i can take before i break down...and then with people adding things onto what's required of me this week, i think i'm about to crack. my marketing group isn't that happy with me right now, and then there's all of the other things that i have to do, and i just don't know what to do about it all. it's not like i can just not show up to work...that wouldn't be okay, and then they want me to put the marketing assignment above everything else, but that just isn't going to happen...my marketing grade definitely isn't the most important grade to me. i'd rather be doing well in the classes that actually mean something to me in my future...aka my family and child development classes and my women's ministries class. okay, i need to get back to work on my project that's due in about 15 hours...i still have a lot left to do. i hope you all are having a better end to your semester than i am.
































life is good...ETERNAL LIFE IS BETTER!!!

why

do i have to be a girl? sometimes i wonder if it is really worth it...