so, i'm going to attempt to make sense of something that i've had rolling around in my mind for a few weeks now. i realize now that i should have written it down somewhere sooner, but things got so hectic and busy, and it got pushed to the back burner. (when i'm done with this, i might give an update on my life, but i'm thinking that this might be it for tonight.)

okay, so my pastor at home has been talking about peter and how Jesus was preparing him to be the rock of the church. it's pretty amazing how things in peter's life pan out and everything. i sometimes wonder at how Jesus was so patient with peter through all of his mistakes and everything. seriously amazing. okay, to what i'm going to try and focus on - give me a second...i have to go find the notes really quick.

okay, i'm back. i found the notes which is a good thing because my mind is seriously going in about a hundred different directions right now, and the baby in the apartment above me is crying again.

okay, enough with distractions, on to what i came here to write about today.

Looking at John 21:1-23. This is the passage in which Jesus asks peter multiple times "do you love Me?" now, i haven't always understood the implications of these verses, but when my pastor was speaking about this a couple weeks ago, it all started to make sense. looking at this passage in context, peter had already denied Jesus 3 times, and then Jesus was dead. or so peter thought. this was something that Peter hadn't been anticipating. he had thought Jesus had come to bring in His Kingdom. He was supposed to win and become king, He wasn't supposed to die. so, looking at it this way, peter had to have been discouraged. he had to have just wanted to give up. i know that every person thinks that way sometimes. i get that way sometimes. thinking that it would be so much easier to give up than to keep going. peter started this passage with the statement to a few of the other disciples, "i am going fishing." and the others said that they would go with him. when day was breaking, they had caught nothing. this had happened before, and Jesus had performed a miracle and they had believed in Him. the disciples in the boat this time had to have remembered that time when Jesus had given them an amazing catch of fish, but they were discouraged. Jesus was gone, and He hadn't brought in His Kingdom, and they thought that maybe they could just go back to fishing, because they were good at that. then, there was a man on the shore who called out to them - "children, do you have any fish?" and they said no. the man on the shore then told them to cast the net on the other side of the boat. now, as fishermen, they would have known that it didn't matter which side of the boat the net was on in order to catch fish, but they did it anyways. they ended up catching so many fish that they couldn't bring the net into the boat. it was then that john said to peter "it is the Lord!" peter was so excited that he put on his outer garment and jumped into the sea and swam to shore. he was so excited to be with the Lord. this was what he wanted - to be with the Lord. he didn't want to be a fisherman, but he had been at the point of giving up. he had been told previously of his betrayal and of his forgiveness and of how he would need to take his experience and strengthen the bretheren, but he had been ready to give it all up and go back to fishing. after the others got to shore, they had breakfast with Jesus. it was then that Jesus and peter took a little walk. Jesus started asking peter questions. when Jesus asks peter "do you love me more than these?" he was talking about the fish. asking peter if he loved the Lord more than fish, but the form of love Jesus was using was agape love. in peter's response, he used phileo love (brotherly love), pretty much telling Jesus that he had warm affection for him. then Jesus asks him again using the word for agape love again, and again, peter uses phileo love. then, when Jesus asks the third time "do you love me?", He used phileo love. peter was grieved because he had failed before. he had gotten confident and was grieving because he knew that he could never love his Lord the way that he was loved. peter was broken, honest, and genuine - afraid to ever boast again - he had failed miserably the last time he boasted and now didn't want to boast. he stood before the Lord a broken man, but he kept going after he had been challenged by Jesus. Jesus then proceeded to tell peter that even though he had failed, he would bring glory to God through his life if he followed Jesus and didn't worry about anyone else.


okay, so i know that that last paragraph is a lot of information, and kind of word vomit, but let me just put it into my own thoughts (that was all pretty much from my notes). peter failed. Jesus forgave. peter gave up. Jesus challenged. peter rose again and glorified God.

even when we fail, we can return and glorify God in our lives. isn't that amazing?