wow...

so, today has definitely been a day of emotions. first, something completely unexpected happened, and i will leave all of you blog readers in the dark about this, because i don't really know how to explain it without coming across as some sort of creeper, but it does put a new twist on some of my life experiences to date.

then, i had to put together my "story". aka my testimony, but not as you think of a testimony. i wasn't supposed to focus on the timeline of events, but rather the relationship i have with God. it was difficult to put that into words, and i typed it out and ended up scrapping my preparations right before i had to share with the group at the meeting. what i shared was my heart - how i know God the way that i know Him - what He has taught me over the past several years. it was difficult to share, and i did so at a pretty surface level, but then questions were asked of me, and i realized that i needed to go a bit deeper in what i shared. sharing with people how Christ has changed my life means sharing with them what has hurt me in the past and how that has changed and shaped my present and my future. it was really hard to share, but i knew that to really open up with this group of people was essential to my ministry, and if i can't open up to these people, how am i going to be able to open up to someone else? someone who i am ministering to? i know that one of the qualities people look for is openness, and if you can tell that someone isn't sharing everything, you aren't going to be willing to open up to them until they open up to you.

lastly, i got home from my meeting, and was still a little emotional from sharing during the meeting, and i checked my email. i had sent out an email earlier letting my prayer supporters know where i stood with finances for this trip, and there was an email from a lady who had approached me back in august to say that no matter what, she and her husband would make sure i was going on this trip, and the email from her said that they were sending a check for almost the entirety of what i need to be fully financed. whenever i think about it, i am close to tears.

God is amazing. life is so unpredictable and crazy, but God is sovereign through it all. i can't even imagine where i would be or who i would be without Him. i know that i would be so much worse off, and i also know that i wouldn't be happy. i wouldn't have the joy that i have in my life now.

my heart is so full.