let's be honest

it has been a long time. i've sat down many times to write a post, and i have several unfinished ones, but that is where they will remain - unfinished.

i've reached a point recently that i can't ignore in my life. i've reached a point of not being able to run anymore. i don't know if i've mentioned it here or not, but when i left new york, i was running away from ministry. i was running away from what God had called me to do with my life. i was broken, empty, and running, so i ran home - into the loving and ever comforting arms of my family. these past three-and-a-half years have been amazing. i've grown so much...and my heart has healed. my heart took some time to be filled with God, but it has healed. i'll be honest, my heart had healed from the brokenness of new york a little over 2 years ago. i remember talking with jason about wanting to either go back to school or get back into full-time ministry. i wasn't sure which one God was leading me towards, and he was mentioning the same thing. we were excited for each other as we pursued new avenues of life. then, a couple short weeks later, jason got sick, and everything else didn't seem nearly as important as that. when he left this earth, my heart wasn't just broken, it was shattered. i didn't know how to breathe anymore, and i seriously questioned God during that time.

it took some time...many, many months...for my heart to not be questioning anymore, and it took even longer for my heart to feel whole again.

so i sit here now ready for what God has next. i sit here now ready to dive into full-time ministry again. i know that it is going to be draining, but it will be a good kind of draining.

i'm waiting to hear about a job at a church. this job would be my dream job. i would be working with junior high and high school girls. training leaders and helping them reach others. just thinking about that environment makes my heart excited. i know that God could definitely take me in another direction, but right now, i have faith that this could be the job that i didn't know i was waiting for. the job that i didn't know He was preparing me for. the job where i lean on Him as He leads me to lead others.

let's be adventurous.