safe

have you ever thought that maybe you were safe and let your guard down? ever thought that you didn't need to be worried about something up ahead because you and your family had been through so much recently that surely it was time for a break? i've been there. in fact, i was shocked out of that place early this morning with questions to God about why. why us? hadn't we been through enough? haven't we proven our love to Him these last few years? why is it our turn again? what is it that we aren't learning? or is it like with job where God points out His faithful servants to satan and that's why? (not that i'm claiming that my family is so great, by the way. i know that we have our problems and personal struggles.) is it because we don't have enough faith? is it because somewhere we are not doing God's will?

these questions filled my mind this morning as i cried out to God. i don't know where these issues surfaced from, but i know the God of the universe is there for those who are hurting. i don't know the plan behind this, but i know the God of the universe cares for His children. there are many other things that i don't know, but the one thing i do know is that the God of the universe is in control and i trust Him with that.

my heart is heavy. emotions are running wild today. i can cry at the drop of a hat (and have). so badly i want to scream that it isn't fair, but then i remember that life isn't fair and that we need to be trusting God through everything.


a few days ago, i kept wanting to write something here, but i didn't know what to write. i knew that there was something dying to come out, but i didn't know what it was. i knew something was going on, but i wasn't sure what. now that i'm writing, it seems like some of the thoughts i had a few days ago are pertinent to this situation, but they are thoughts that i'm going to keep to myself because this struggle in my family is so personal to us and not meant for the internet.

something that keeps crossing my mind is that we aren't ready for this. we've barely begun to recover from the past couple years, and now this. we aren't ready...God, help us be ready. help us fight the evil tearing at the seams of our family. help us understand what is going on and what we can do to guard ourselves against this kind of attack in the future. help, please.