new post coming soon...

so, i realized that it has been a while since i've posted...i promise i'm working on something. i just wanted to let you all know that i'm still alive.

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it is interesting when God brings things to mind - they tend to stay put until you can really think everything all the way through and get it all figured out. it is amazing the way that a story you have heard a million times takes your breath away when looked at in a different light. i'm not ready to post what i have been working on yet, but i'll give you a taste of the story that i'm working through...


i'm reposting something that i wrote when i was working in new york. i hope that this makes sense to all of you. i hope you can figure out the story from this post:


So, I have this rock. It's in a shadow box on the wall of my bedroom. It was given to me by one of my favorite people who happens to be one of my favorite teachers from college. It is actually quite the conversation piece - people who go into my room see it almost right away, and then they give me this look like, "Why on earth do you have a rock framed and hanging on your wall?" Well, here is the story of this rock. It isn't just any rock, it is special. It hangs there to remind me.

"They went each to his own house, but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.""*

The place in which I work is full of this woman who has been brought forth with accusations. This woman who was disheveled and probably unclean. This woman who knew no other way of life until she encountered Jesus. Why, if I have sinned, should I be able to condemn this woman? This woman is loved by the God of the universe, and He desires a relationship with her.

The rock that I have is to remind me of this. To remind me that I am not without sin, and therefore, I cannot throw the stone. I have been called by God to love this woman and to show her what life can be like after having a wonderful encounter with Him.

Love: "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."**

As I love this woman, I must refer to the things that we are told love is. I am to look at the things that love does, and I am to strive to do that for her. I have to bear her burdens. I have to bear all of the things in life that bring her any form of anxiety. I have to believe for her that healing and restoration are possible. I have to believe for her that she is more than her addiction has led her to be. I have to believe for her that a successful life is possible. I have to believe for her that God loves her and desires a relationship with her. I have to hope with her that redemption is possible. I have to hope with her that change is probable. I have to hope with her that forgiveness is available for her. I have to endure with her the stressful times of just wanting to give up and return to her addiction. I have to endure for myself the anger of when someone says something that hits on a subject that is too close to home. I have to endure the flashbacks with her - the ones where she is again a child enduring the trauma that led to her addiction. I have to endure for her.

This sounds like a tall order for a rock to remind me of, but when I see that little rock on my wall every day, I am brought to my knees in prayer again, because if I walk past it and forget, I will not be strong enough to do all of these things for her. I will be unable to uphold her in her weakness, and then, I will fail her, and that is something that I cannot bear to do to this precious woman of God.

One of the things that she secretly wants to say to the world is, "To you, we are untouchable. You see me only for my behaviors, for my addictions, and to you, that is all I am. But Christ came to love me and to make me into all that He has called me to. If only you could see that, too."

I can often see who she could have been if she hadn't experienced the trauma that led to her addiction, and it is up to me to show her.


So - this was inspired by hearing a song as I am currently sitting in Starbucks getting some much needed time away from the facility I work at, and here are some of the lyrics:
From glass alabaster, she pours out the depths of her soul
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in Your love
I can hear her say, "I'm weak,
And I'm poor, I'm broken, Lord, but I'm Yours
Hold me now, hold me now."
Let he without sin cast the first stone if he will
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilt
Point your finger, and laugh if you choose
To say my Beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in my love
I can hear her say, "I'm weak,
And I'm poor, I'm broken, Lord, but I'm Yours
Hold me now, hold me now."***

*John 7:53-8:11
**1 Corinthians 13
***Jennifer Knapp, Hold Me Now

there's a story...

...that's been on my mind recently. i'm trying to think of ways to portray this story in a new light because it is a story that so many have heard so many times. please forgive my lack of posting while i mull over this story for a while and see what it is that God is trying to teach me through this story again. i've already learned much, but it isn't going away, so that must mean that there is more. i'm excited to see where this "more" takes me.

last night, i was talking with some friends and walked away from the conversation so encouraged and refreshed. it is wonderful to have friends who have that kind of effect on you. it was the kind of conversation that makes you instantly want to pull out your bible and read and soak up more and more of the stories that God chose to write down for our benefit. amazing stuff.