Wow

Okay, so I know that God has a plan. I know that He is in control. I know.

But, sometimes I wonder what He is doing.

5 months and 3 days ago, my brother went home. To his heavenly home. I'm still sad most of the time. Sometimes I can't believe that he is actually gone.

3 months and 3 days ago, my great grandmother went home. Also to her heavenly home. She was ready, we were ready for her, but it is still so fresh.

Last night, my dear friend Katie went home. To her heavenly home. Katie and I knew each other because we worked together at summer camp. We spent 2 amazing summers together serving God and being crazy around kids. It was fantastic. We had drifted apart in the last few years due to different life circumstances, but we still talked on occasion. In fact, when Jason died, she drove 6 hours to come to the funeral because she knew I would need a friend. She and I had been talking about me going up to WA to visit her there sometime soon. It is hard to believe that another good friend has left this life.

Yet another reminder to tell the people you love that you love them. You don't know how long they will be here.

New Year - New Beginnings

2011 was probably the worst year of my life so far. I lost my brother - one of my best friends. Sometimes I still can't believe that I will never speak to him again. Some days it is so much that I can hardly breathe. This beginning of a year is bittersweet - I'm ready for 2011 to be behind me...I'm ready for a new year, but, I'm not ready to live a year without him. I know I have to, but I'm not ready to be in this position.

2012 has hopes to be a better year - I'm hoping for no hospitals, no funerals. I know only God is in control, but it does look more promising.

Here's to beginning a new year, whether I'm ready for it or not.