Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I feel the need to apologize

I had the goal of writing on here a couple times a week after the new year began, but I've been slacking. This week, I've been preoccupied with some personal issues. I hope that this all clears up soon and I again have time for this. Things seem to never settle down, but I would like to make this a priority for me.

Friday, February 04, 2011

...broken...

I sit here, on my couch, watching one of my favorite shows, which normally lifts my mood, but my heart is broken. I can't decide if I'm going to cry or not. I met with a young girl today, and we had an amazing time together, but when I got down to the reason her mom first approached me about possibly meeting with her, she broke down and started tearing up. I cut the conversation short because we were close to her school and I didn't want her feeling self-conscious in front of her friends, but I can't help from going back to that moment of the afternoon. And, the thing is, I don't blame her. Not that I think I approached the conversation wrongly, but because I know how she feels. I know where she is, because that's where I was 12 years ago.

I remember standing in front of the mirror and thinking that it just wasn't fair. I remember watching all of my friends sharing clothes and again, thinking that it wasn't fair. Why? Why me? Why did I have to be the one who was built differently. I just knew that everyone who saw me saw how different I was and was judging me for it. Well, at least, those were the thoughts that were running through my mind when I stood in front of the mirror. I tried to cover it up by wearing cute clothes and putting on makeup, dying my hair and straightening it. It was painful knowing I was different and projecting my thoughts to believe that others were thinking the same things about me that I was.

Now, here I sit, 12 years later, understanding that all teen girls feel this way, even the ones who get to share clothes with each other. I just hope that I can convey that understanding to this precious, beautiful young girl. I hope that sometime soon she can look in the mirror and believe that she is the beautiful daughter of the King of kings. He loves her and created her to be exactly who she is for a reason.

One bright spot of the day, I think I made her week when I told her that I had tickets for the Revolve Tour - I'm SUPER excited about doing this with her.