and i'm at a loss for words

*sigh* this time of year never ceases to amaze me. as sad as it is to have everything different this Christmas, i don't think that i would want to change it. God has my entire family where they all need to be. i was talking with my grandma today while she was in town, and she decided that she is going to buy me new luggage for my birthday! and, that may not mean a lot to you, but that's really all i wanted for my birthday. now, i don't mean to say that there aren't other things i wanted at all, but the new luggage was at the top of my list, and i also knew that if i didn't get the other stuff, it wouldn't be a big deal, but the luggage kind of is a big deal, see, one of my suitcases broke on my way home from school, so i kind of needed to replace that one. i knew that God would take care of it, and He definitely did. i'm always amazed at the ways that He choses to reveal Himself around this time of year.

now, i sit here in my room on what would normally be a quiet night, but my house is full of noise. i can hear my mom's tv as she's falling asleep to the sound of whatever's on, and i can hear my brother playing WOW (world of warcraft), and i hear kacey, justin, and daniel catching up on life downstairs and listening to music and just being loud teenage boys. it's great to hear all of these sounds. my house hasn't been this full for a long time.

i like to think that life can't get any better than this.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

so, Christmas this year was different. with the everett family being in brasil, there wasn't much to do on Christmas eve (which is our biggest day of the season). it was just different. i wish that my entire family could have been here, but i know that they are where God wants them to be, and that is better than anything else. Well, to share some of my family's Christmas traditions, yesterday started with going to church (because it was sunday), and i got to see a lot of people i haven't seen since august. it was a good time. then, we came back home for a small lunch of ham sandwiches, and then got everything ready to go to grandpa and monica's for dinner and presents, and then i took a nap. when my mom woke me up, i got the last of my stuff together and we got in the car and went to grandpa and monica's for soup and sandwiches. we then started watching charlotte's web because my grandpa got it for Christmas and he wanted to watch it. then, my mom, jason, uncle dave, and i went to the Christmas eve service at church. after that, we went back to grandpa and monica's to read the Christmas story and open presents. i had an amazing time with my family, and today, kacey got in from brasil...if only the others could have come with him...anyways, what are your Christmas traditions, my blog reader?

i love this song...a lot...

i wonder what it's like tot be loved by you
i wonder what its like to be whole
and i don't walk when there's a stone in my shoe
all i know, that in time i'll be fine

i wonder what it's like to fly so high
or to breathe under the sea
i wonder if someday i'll be good with goodbyes
but i'll be okay if you come along with me

such a long, long way to go
where i'm going i don't know
i'm jsut following the road
for a walk in the sun
for a walk in the sun

i wonder how they put a man on the moom
i wonder what it's like up there
i wonder if you'll ever sing this tune
all i know is the answer's in the air

such a long, long way to go
where i'm going i don't know
i'm just following the road
for a walk in the sun
for a walk in the sun

sitting and watching the world going by
is it true when we die we go up in the sky?
so many things that i don't understand
put my feet in the sand when i'm walking in the sun
walking in the sun

such a long, long way to go
where i'm going i don't know
i'm just following the road
for a walk in the sun
for a walk in the sun, yeah

"walk in the sun" by mcfly



anyways, just thought i'd give a little update on me. i'm home right now, and i'm super excited about it. i'll be home for about a month, and that's pretty much amazing. i'm excited about next semester because i'm starting all new classes that help me towards what i want to do with my life, and i'm excited to see what's in store for me next semester. anyways, i think that's all for now. i might write something on here before school starts again if something noteworthy happens. hope you all have a wonderful christmas season!

it's been a while...

so, it's been a while since i've posted anything on here, so i thought i would. this song is one that i like a lot for christmastime and i thought i'd share it with you.

we're looking for the King, the new Messiah
we're following the star, shining brighter
'old man, won't you help us if you can,'
he shook his head, but he pointed his hand.

there's a new kid in town,
and He's lying in a manger down the road.
there's a new kid in town,
but He's just another baby i suppose,
heaven knows,
there's a new kid in town,
here in bethlehem

i see you've traveled far, bearing treasures
you say these gifts are for the new King's pleasures
i've heard that a King might come
but up 'till now there hasn't been one.

there's a new kid in town,
and He's lying in a manger down the road.
there's a new kid in town,
but He's just another baby i suppose,
heaven knows,
there's a new kid in town,
here in bethlehem.

there's a new kid in town,
and He's lying in a manger down the road.
there' s a new kid in town,
but He's just another baby i suppose,
heaven knows,
there's a new kid in town,
here in bethlehem.

at the zoo...

so, i had this song stuck in my head the entire time i was at the zoo in st. louis with my roomie and her sister, so i thought publishing it on here would be something cool to do. if you don't like it, then stop reading my blog. that's all. here's the song:

someone told me it's all happening at the zoo
i do believe it, i do believe it's true
mmm...mmm...mmm
oh, oh, oh...mmm...mmm...mmm

it's a light and tumbled journey from the east side to the park
just to find a fancy ramble at the zoo
but you can take a crosstown bus if it's raining or it's cold
and animals will love it if you do - if you do now

something tells me it's all happening at the zoo
i do believe it, i do believe it's true
mmm...mmm...mmm
oh, oh, oh...mmm...mmm...mmm

the monkeys stand for honesty
giraffes are insincere
the elephants are kindly but they're dumb
orang utangs are skeptical of changes in their cages
and the zookeeper's very fond of rum

zebras are reactionaries
antelopes are visionaries
pigeons flocked in secrecy
and hamsters turn on frequently
it's a cast you have to come and see
at the zoo - at the zoo - at the zoo - at the zoo - at the zoo

so sad

to be back in lynchburg. no lies, i could have stayed in st. louis for so much longer. i definitely didn't want to come back, but that's the way it goes. now, i just have to get back into the daily swing of things. this weekend was definitely needed. i don't know that i would have made it to thanksgiving break without this time away. it was nice to be away and not think about anything. not have to be anywhere at any specific time or anything like that. and then, the things like going to the zoo and visiting the slu campus were amazing. i'm pretty sure that it is what made the weekend great. well, i should probably go and get ready for work. i have to be there in about an hour.

getting ready to watch prison break with the roomie...

so, this weekend can't come fast enough. today has been SO long that i feel like tomorrow is another convo day...except that tomorrow is tuesday...and i have to make it all the way through that before starting another convo day...which stinks, but life happens.

for the past couple days, me and em have been watching videos on youtube. they're pretty much amazing. anyways, i should probably get going...i have a lot left to do before i go to bed.

i'm bored...so sue me...

1. what is your occupation?
sandwich artist at subway in l-burg, va

2. what color are your socks right now?
i'm not wearing socks

3. what's in your cd player right now?
i don't have a cd player...currently on my computer is a lot of stuff...most recently i listened to the lu campus praise band in the car

4. what was the last thing you ate?
lunch at the rot...eggs, bacon, potatoes, and cereal

5. can you drive a stick shift?
HECK YES!

6. if you were a crayon, what color would you be?
pink and green swirled

7. last person you spoke to on the phone?
um...that's a good question...probably emily

8. do you like the person who sent this to you?
yes. she was a favorite of mine over the summer...she was one of my foster girls at camp. she's amazing

9. how old are you today?
um...i'm 21 years old...or 7670 days old...or 184080 hours old...or 11044800 minutes old...or 662688000 seconds old

10. favorite drink? diet coke...or a vanilla latte...or a caramel latte...or a mocha...or a caramel mocha

11. what is your favorite sport to watch?
HOCKEY

12. have you ever dyed your hair?
it would definitely be a lie to say no

13. pets?
not right now

14. favorite food?
pretty much anything my mom makes

15. what was the last movie you watched at the theater?
john tucker must die

16. favorite time of the year?
fall

17. what do you do to vent anger?
drive, cry, scream, etc.

18. what was your favorite toy as a child?
my water babies...even though my cats killed them

19. which is your favorite, spring or fall?
fall...even though spring is the beginning of new life all over the face of the earth, it's definitely the weather of fall that i love

20. hugs or kisses?
depends on my mood

21. cherry or blueberry?
strawberry

22. do you want your friends to email you back?
well, that's usually why i email them...

23. living arrangements?
dorm 29-2 in a room with my roomie

24. when was the last time you cried?
about a month ago

25. what is on the floor of your closet?
a lot of crap

26. who is the friend that you have had the longest?
gwendolyn

27. what did you do last night?
i worked and then went to the end of the division 1 hockey game and then watched the division 2 hockey game and then went to sheetz and then came back to my dorm and went to sleep

28. favorite smell?
rain

29. what inspires you?
kids, God, love, family, friends

30. what are you afraid of?
clowns, water more than 3 feet deep...things like that...

31. plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
chicken sandwich

32. favorite car?
i love my sami...but if i were to upgrade, i'd either want a newer version of her (a honda civic) or a bmw 325i convertible

33. favorite old tv shows?
boy meets world, friends, night court, golden girls, etc.

34. number of keys on your key ring?
3 until i get home...then 4

35. how many years at your current job?
1 month

36. favorite day of the week?
friday and saturday because there are hockey games

37. how many states have you lived in?
2

38. favorite holiday?
Christmas

39. ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery?
nope

40. what is one thing you want to do before you die?
if i told you, i'd have to kill you

the way i feel

i was so unique
now i feel skin deep
count on the make up
to cover it all
crying myself to sleep
'cause i cannot keep their attention
thought i could be strong
but it's killing me
does someone hear my cry
'cause i'm dying for new life

i wanna be beautiful
make You stand in awe
look inside my heart
and be amazed
i want to hear You say
who i am is quite enough
just wanna be worthy of love
and beautiful

sometimes i wish i was someone other than me
fighting to make the mirror happy
trying to find whatever is missing
won't You help me back to glory

i wanna be beautiful
make You stand in awe
look inside my heart
and be amazed
i want to hear You say
who i am is quite enough
just wanna be worthy of love
and beautiful

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart
and i am amazed
i love to hear You say
who i am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love
and beautiful



so, i was just thinking of this song the other day, and i opened up my copy of the book captivating, and this is near the beginning of the book. it made me think again, and i thought i should just put the song up here. it's amazing how God can fill every desire of my heart because of who He is. when i want to feel beautiful, i can look to Him and see myself the way that He sees me, and i am amazed. He thinks i am beautiful, even right after i wake up in the morning when i'm not wearing any make-up and when my hair is sticking out everywhere. it's very hard to fathom.

.let.it.be.

some people bring you gifts..some bring you bricks to weigh you down..so they can swim a little higher..while you drown..some people mean so well..their way was the best way that they found..but any other way you choose..is a brick that weighs you down..so tell me..what do i do with this back pack full of bricks..of sticks and stones..and words that stuck to me like..ticks..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can be free..of all the words we say 'till we were our own..enemies..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can believe..in the person God intended us to be..let it be..some people give themselves a brick..i know most people do..when we compare we fall short somewhere..it's always true..if all we see is where we fall..we'd brick the prison wall..instead of trying to learn to fly..we've taught ourselves to crawl..so tell me..what do i do with this back pack full of bricks..of sticks and stones..and words that stuck to me like..ticks..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can be free..of all the words we say 'till we were our own..enemies..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can believe..in the person God intended us to be..let it be..we could believe in ourselves more..we could try for unique..instead of trying to conform..we could defy what they tell us..and don't follow lies they sell us..if we're brave..we can believe..in what we are..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can be free..of all the words we say 'till we were our own..enemies..let it go..let it be..brick by brick we can believe..in the person God intended us to be..let it be..let it be..oh, let it be..

so

today i worked for 6 hours instead of 5. it kind of makes up for the fact that i got sent home 1.5 hours early last night, but kind of stinks now because my back, feet, and head hurt a lot. i'm gonna do this and then get in bed because i'm super cold and i want to curl up on my bed in my fat pants under my down comforter because that would make me warmer than i am.





worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
holy, holy is He
sing a new song
to Him who sits on
heaven's mercy seat

worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
holy, holy is He
sing a new song
to Him who sits on
heaven's mercy seat

holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation i sing
praise to the King of kings
You are my everything
and i will adore You

clothed in rainbows
of living color
flashes of lightening
rolls of thunder
blessing and honor
strength and glory and power be
to You the only One i need

holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation i sing
praise to the King of kings
You are my everything
and i will adore You

filled with wonder
awe struck wonder
at the mention of Your name
Jesus, Your name is power
breath and living water
such a marvelous mystery

holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come
with all creation i sing
praise to the King of kings
You are my everything
and i will adore You

i have no idea why

but i am SO tired. no lies. it's pretty much awful being this tired. it's not like i got less sleep last night than normal, in fact, i probably got more sleep than normal, but i feel like i could go back to bed right now and sleep for forever. this brings to mind a song:

sleep, no i never get enough
always waking up tired
sleep, no i never get enough
if i don't show up i might get fired

not that i'll get fired or anything, but most definitely not getting enough sleep. i want to sleep more, but i will not because i'm going to church this morning...and walking there, even though it is freaking cold outside. no lies, i want my oregon weather back. okay, enough of this tired and cold rant. hope you all have a great day!

great affection

God of my awakening i thank You for this day
and master of my breath i thank You for the right to pray
oh Jesus light behind my eyes to You this praise i bring
and keeper of my heartbeat to Your rhythm now i sing

'cause i've been
seized by the power of Your great affection
taken captive by the size and scope of Your amazing love
i'm so incapacitated that You'd send it my direction
You fill me up with Your huge love like a hand inside a glove

architect of joy all happiness comes from Your hand
shepherd of my mind to take the time to help me understand
oh Jesus light behind my eyes it was for this i was made
great composer of my heart strings now Your masterpiece is played

'cause i've been
seized by the power of Your great affection
taken captive by the size and scope of Your amazing love
i'm so incapacitated that You'd send it my direction
You fill me up with Your huge love like a hand inside a glove

Father, thank you doesn't seem enough for sending Jesus
and Jesus no words can suffice to thank you that You died
i praise You Holy Spirit for it's Your embrace that frees us
one year to three Your love for me, the hope i hold inside, inside

'cause i've been
seized by the power of Your great affection
taken captive by the size and scope of Your amazing love
i'm so incapacitated that You'd send it my direction
You fill me up with Your huge love like a hand inside a glove


'cause i've been
seized by the power of Your great affection
overwhelmed and overcome by all the love You have to give
Savior, Your light shining love that warms my soul and bears reflection
You fill me up with Your huge love giving me the strength to live
You fill me up with Your huge love giving me the strength to live

story

hear me
when i speak
and just listen
and try not to be
some kind of self-righteous high being
where the opposites mislead me
to better your mind and see
this is a story
of how we can be

they're building you up to tear you down
they won't admit it but its true
smiling advice to end with your frown
cuz they don't want what's best for you
it's sad i know i know
but you know i'm something else
and now's my turn to just sit back and tell

that you don't know just when to stop
you're living life to be on top
so start back here and be real
and just admit the way you feel
and see we are all one big learning game
and its true that
we all want to be the baddest
we all have a little baggage
even though we hide it
and we always will deny it
we are driving this float down main
in this pride parade

and i'm not saying that i'm any better than you
sometimes i have motives that are just so stupid
and i play the fool
but man you're killing me
the charade has got to end
so stop acting like you know everything
because you're missing the point
you were supposed to be my friend

you don't know just when to stop
you're living life to be on top
so start back here and be real
and just admit the way you feel
and see we are all one big learning game
and its true that
we all want to be the baddest
we all have a little baggage
even though we hide it
and we always will deny it
we are driving this float down main
in this pride parade

i don't, i don't know know

just try, just try
to lean away
take me to another place
where i know, i know
what's happening
to my head and to my dreams
cuz i want, i want
i need, i need
some piece of mind and clarity
so just take take my hand
and let's leave

you don't know just when to stop
you're living life to be on top
so start back here and be real
and just admit the way you feel
and see we are all one big learning game
and its true that
we all want to be the baddest
we all have a little baggage
even though we hide it
and we always will deny it
we are driving this float down main
in this pride parade

sometimes

something catches you by surprise. like today when i found out that something that i had been thinking for a while was not what i had thought it was. now, i can't really explain this without being completely obvious about what it was that happened, and i don't want to be obvious about it because that could end up being awkward, and there are enough awkward things in my life...i don't need to add another one on top of that. haha...anyways, today was a good day. went to the park with emily, emily, kim, jenn, and jenn. haha...good times. me and kim were apparantly the only originals with the names, but anyways, we were there to help emily (my roomie) out with her photography assignment, and then we all went to dinner together. it was a good time. no lies. i work 18 hours this next week...actually, thursday through monday i'll be working 18 hours. it's kinda weird to be only working pretty much on the weekends but still have that many hours. i'm gonna have to talk to my boss before the next saturday hockey game because i can't miss any more of those ones...it wouldn't be a good time for me. not a good time at all. no lies. well, i think me and em are going to watch some more gilmore girls as i read something for my english class so i can write the paper tomorrow and turn it in on thursday. love you all and hope you have a wonderful night!

hearing God interrupt your plans

no lies, it's not easy. to have this plan in mind and then have God come and interrupt this plan that you've had and tell you that your plans are not the right plans for your life. this is a lesson that i've been learning for several years, and you would think that i would have learned this a long time ago because it's a lesson that God has had to teach me several different times.

scenario #1: high school - in my junior year, i had 2 options for my summer. sometime in january, i made up my own mind and decided i was going to take the easy summer. i'm saying easy, but not really meaning EASY. i was going to stay home and do a lot of volunteer work with my youth group, and then go with them to mexico and help build a house. now, if you really know me, you might be thinking, chelsey...going to mexico...and building a house? well, i sometimes have ideals for doing things that are out of the ordinary in my life (kind of like the other weekend when i played flag football with the girls on my hall). well, God had different plans for my summer. i ended up working at a summercamp in washington state, and doing a lot all summer long. it was an amazing summer, and i wouldn't have traded it for anything, but when God interrupted my planning, i wasn't happy at all. it took a lot for me to give up my own plans and surrender to God's plans.

scenario #2: still in high school - God asked me to go to a school that didn't have the major that i intended to graduate with, and i am still not positive why i ended up there, but i definitely wouldn't have traded those 2 years for anything. i had an amazing time.

scenario #3: college - the reason for originally starting this post - God pulled me out of my intended major and placed me into another one. never in my life did i see myself as anything except a nurse, but at this point in my life, i can't see myself actually becoming a nurse...not only for the fact that i am no longer in one of the required nursing classes, but for the fact that i know that it is something that i am not supposed to do in my life. i am supposed to do something different. looking at this now, i should have known a long time ago. no lies, but i was too busy making my own plans and thinking about the things that i wanted out of life. i thought i was praying for God's will in my life, but in all actuality i was telling God what i wanted in life. it was something that i needed to get over. when i did i found that God's plans are always the best. i'm not gonna lie, i'm happy. i'm content. i know i'm headed in the right direction.



















p.s. emily is sleeping, and she just knocked something off of the bed or something like that. it makes me laugh.






p.p.s. i'm gonna go to bed now. no lies. i've got to get some sleep.

what to do...

for the next 2 nights...i'm not working. if you wanna hang out, let me know. i'm completely free. it feels good to be able to say that! anyways, yeah...if you wanna hang out, call me.

AAAANNNNNDDDDD...i should be sleeping right now, but me and em are watching gilmore girls season 5...because we're wicked cool like that. no lies. you wish you were as cool as us. aaaannnnnnnndddddddd...there's no convo tomorrow! that means SLEEPING IN! i'm excited about that.

sad day...

i have to work tonight. and there's a hockey game. and it's against davenport. man, it's gonna be a good game, and i'm gonna be at subway making sandwiches for other people. it's a sad day. no lies.

oh, life.

so, today, i went to work, and they told me that i was needed at a different store. that's fine and all, but they definitely sent me to a store that i had no clue where it was. they had me go to lynchburg general hospital because there's a subway in the food court there. oh.my.gosh. it was SO slow there! they ended up sending me home an hour early, which means less money, but i was glad to leave there. i definitely don't want to work at that one again. it was way too slow. i didn't like it. i would have much rather been at my store because it stays busy there.

anyways, i have officially dropped health assessment which means less stress for me!!! i'm excited about that one. i'm going to try and declare my major when i talk to my advisor, and then i'll officially be out of the nursing program...actually, at this point, i am officially out of it because i'm not taking health assessment now.

well, thought i'd leave you with a little song:

how many times have i turned away
the number is the same as the sand on the shore
but every time You've taken me back
and now i pray You do it once more

please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength to give it away to You
please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength to give it away to you Jesus

how many times have i turned away
the number is the same as the stars in the sky
but every time You've taken me back
and now i pray You do it tonight

please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength to give it away to You
please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength to give it away to You Jesus
when i don't have the strength to give it away to You Jesus

new layout...new thoughts...letting go

so, never in my life did i think that i would be letting go of a dream that i had had for so long. if you know me at all, you know that i've wanted to be a nurse for as long as i can remember. well, not anymore. God showed me some things about myself and Himself in the past couple weeks, and i relized that becoming a nurse was MY dream and not His dream for me. so, i had to get over myself and allow God to show me what He wanted for me. it was followed by a couple uncertain weeks and days, but i'm thinking now that i know what direction to head in. i am now majoring in family and child development and minoring in business and psychology. it is such a liberating experience to let go of everything that i've held so dear in my life to embrace everything that God has for me. if this is something that you've never done, i encourage you to let go of all of the things that you hold dear in your life, no matter what it is, and give it all to God. if it is something that He has in mind for you, He'll give it back. if it is something that you just really need to let go of, God will give you a peace about it. i'm not gonna lie...my dream of becoming a nurse was a HARD one to give up, but i know that what i'm going into now is going to be SO much better than what i was going to do. i love it when God surprises you with something that you didn't expect.




















































life is good. eternal life is better.

refined by the fire

i come into this place burning to receive Your peace i come with my own chains from wars i fought for my own selfish gains You're my God and my Father i've accepted Your Son but my soul feels so empty now what have i become

Lord come with Your fire burn my desires refine me Lord my will has deceived me please come and free me refine me

my heart cannot see when i only look at me my soul cannot hear when i only think of my own fears they are gone in a moment You're forever the same why did i run away from You how can i speak Your name

Lord come with Your fire burn my desires refine me Lord my will has deceived me please come and free me come rescue this child for i long to be reconciled to You

it's all i can do to give my heart and soul to you and pray and pray oh i will pray

Lord come with Your fire burn my desires refine me Lord my will has deceived me please come and free me come rescue this child for i long to be reconciled to You

refine me refine me refine me refine me

it's a great day to be alive

i know the sun's still shining when i close my eyes there's been some hard times in the neighborhood but why can't every day be just this good?








































































































































in case you didn't get the memo, today was a good day.

sing to the King

sing to the King who is coming to reign
glory to Jesus the lamb that was slain
life and salvation His empire shall bring
joy to the nations when Jesus is King

come let us sing a song
a song declaring we belong to Jesus
He is all we need, yeah
lift up a heart of praise
sing now with voices raised to Jesus
sing to the King

for His returning we watch and we pray
we will be ready the dawn of that day
we'll join in singing with all the redeemed
satan is vanquished and Jesus is King
come let us sing a song
a song declaring we belong to Jesus
He is all we need, yeah
lift up a heart of praise
sing now with voices raised to Jesus
sing to the King

hockey

was amazing tonight. i'm not gonna lie. the best part was being hardcore with emily and renee and definitely getting noticed. we're going to be "the girls with the hockey shirts" from now on. it's amazing.

i need sleep

that's all i need right now. is some sleep, so that's what i'm going to do. good night all.

from the inside out

a thousand times i've failed
still Your mercy remains
and should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace

everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
my purpose remains
the art of losing myself
in bringing You praise

everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

in my heart and my soul
Lord i give You control
consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
become my embrace
to love you from the inside out

everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
and the cry of my heart
is to bring You praise
from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out



seriously, this is how i'm feeling right now. this is a song that my campus praise band has been playing a lot this semester, and it's something that has seriously convicted me. loving God from the inside out...that means that if you're struggling, you shouldn't hide behind the fact that you are a Christian. you should let people know that you're struggling. loving God from the inside out...meaning no show. if it's true on the inside THEN it can show on the outside. the outside isn't going to affect the inside, but the inside WILL affect the outside. okay, random thoughts from me. God is teaching me a lot this semester. i'm excited to see where He's going to take me. no more pretending. it's just me and Him now. until the end.

.my.heart.hurts.

and there's a good reason. i guess i didn't realize how much i actually missed my family, and it hit me today when i talked to kacey online and then to my mom on the phone. they're all in brasil right now, and even though my mom is going to be heading home in a little over a week, the rest of them are staying there for a while. i'm thinking that my next BIG trip is going to be to brasil to see them because i miss them a lot, and i can't wait 4 years before i see them. definitely not. anyways, i just needed to get that out there. i hope that you, whoever you are, have a great day.

why can't i breathe whenever i think about you?

so, i've completed the first "week" of classes. i put it in quotes because it wasn't a full week. i have been back in the burg for a week now, and it feels good to be in the place i know God wants me. i'm a little bit intimidated by my classes, but i know that i am doing what God wants me to be doing, so i know that He will give me the strength to do all of the things that i have to for these classes. emily and i are looking forward to playing lacrosse with her junior lacrosse sticks tomorrow. it's going to be pretty great! anyways, i should probably go. we're watching 'how to deal' right now, except that i'm watching it and emily is asleep in her bed...like normal. i'll write more at a later date...

oh man

so, seriously, today was pretty much amazing. we came the rest of the way to virginia and when we got to a certain point, emily and i took the lead. wow is all i have to say about that. we ended up in charlottesville instead of lynchburg because we missed a turn. oops! oh, well. it was an adventure. i think i'm gonna get ready for bed now because i'm getting up super early because i'm going to the school with emily in the morning, and she has to be there at 8.

in iowa

i'm in iowa now. we're leaving tomorrow morning. and i'm excited for this school year. i'll write more later.

so...

tonight, i fought with my mom for her bed. i ended up licking her forehead because she was trying to lick my arm. and it the fight made me cough, but i'm refusing to take more albuterol at this point because i'm already wired and i don't need any more albuterol in my system. anyways, i'm heading out of here the day after tomorrow. i'm going to see my amazing roommate and then we're driving together from her house in iowa to school in virginia. it's going to be amazing.

conversation with a monkey

carmin: chelsey, it kinda looks like you're kidnapping us.
chelsey: why do you say that, carmin?
carmin: because we're in a car. and you're driving. and you're wearing
your glasses.
chelsey: carmin, these are my sun glasses. i'm wearing them because
it's sunny outside. people wear glasses like this so that they
don't hurt their eyes when it is sunny outside.
carmin: well, they look like kidnapping glasses.






hahahahahaha

life and love and why

so, i'm officially done packing until tuesday morning when i shove the last VERY essential things into my bag that i didn't have an extra of to keep here at home. i'm super excited to be leaving. anyways, i should be getting to bed. i have church and the coffee stand in the morning.

life or something like it

so, i'm done working at camp, and i do have to say that God taught me some pretty amazing things this summer. i'm really glad i went to canyonview. i now have about 9 days until i leave for iowa and then 2 days later i'm driving with emily to virginia. it's going to be pretty much amazing. that's all i have to say now. i need to be asleep.

hahaha...

so, i just read my last post and realized that i didn't actually put how many days until i was leaving oregon...hahaha! i'm an idiot, and for some reason, they're letting me be a senior in college...wow.

anyways, i'm getting ready to go into my last week of camp, and then i have 1 week at home and then i fly to illinois and drive to iowa to hang with emily, and then we're driving to virginia for school. i'm definitely pumped for this next school year. it isn't going to be as hard to leave this year...i'm kind of sad that i didn't get more time with my friends, but i know that there is a reason that God put me at canyonview camp this summer instead of being at home and hanging with my friends and working at a better paying job. maybe it was just so these people could minister to me in ways that they could not even imagine. maybe it was to teach me something that i wasn't learning in any other way. who knows right now. all i know is that i am going to be really sad to leave the canyon for the year. not being on staff is not going to be easy.

anyways, i should probably be going. i have to take my asthma medicine, and then i'm going to go to bed because i'm uber tired because i didn't sleep much last night because i was finishing my camper letters and i got done late. anyways, i'll write more about my entire summer when i'm completely done. God is amazing. i hope you all know the wonderful joy that i know when i think about God. He is amazing and i can't believe that He loves me as much as He does. Why would someone love me that much? i might just not ever know the answer to that question.


















EDIT: October, 2006
so, at this point, i definitely know why God had me at canyonview. no lies. He had to bring me to a place where i could hear His voice above what i wanted in my own life. nursing isn't for me and because i worked at canyonview this summer, i was able to hear Him tell me that i was headed in the wrong direction.

the countdown begins...

officially, i have 2 weeks left until i'm done at camp.



i'm leaving oregon in days and hanging out with emily in iowa and maybe virginia beach for a couple days.



and then school starts shortly after that.



it's insane to think about everything.

amazing week

this past week at camp was pretty much amazing. i'm definitely going to miss the mass amounts of time off, but i think i can handle it...at least, i hope! anyways, next week is going to be a pretty rude awakening, but i know we can handle it. i should be heading off to bed now. i'll maybe be writing something else next weekend...

whatever

i feel like an idiot. i broke down and cried today because i couldn't buy my plane ticket yet. and now, i can't seem to stop crying. it's a vicious cycle, i tell you.

camp

well, i do have to say that God is pretty much amazing. i definitely wouldn't have made it through this week without Him, and that's a fact. i'm not sure how, but somehow i made it. it was a tough week because nature decided to take on my allergies, and that just stinks, and then there's the fact that i got a cold. that was fun. allergies and a cold at the same time. yay for me! i'm not trying to be sarcastic here. it was tough battling all of that without the right medication, but i know that God wanted me to have that handicap for some reason this past week. i now have the right medication, so maybe this week i'll have more energy with my campers! that would be great. anyways, i should get going...i have to finish laundry and head back out to the camp.

life and such things

i'm working at canyonview camp this summer. i'll be back on here consistantly after august 5th.

so...

i've heard back from the 2 interviews i've had since i've been home, and neither of them worked out. i'm kind of stuck now. i really do need a job. i know my mom wants me to stay here in keizer, but i just don't know how i can do it and have a paycheck. even if i fly to iowa in august, i'm gonna need a way to pay for that plane ticket. i don't know how she expects me to do that when no one here wants to hire me. so, i'm kind of praying for that counseling job at camp gilead. i know that it is going to pretty much keep me away from home for the entire summer, but it will get me the money to fix my car and drive back to school in the fall. anyways, that's all that's going on here right now. i have to go and call the salem clinic because i have to get some immunizations before i go back to school in the fall. hope it all works out.

okay

so, my interview this morning was kind of a waste of time. i'm not too happy that i got up super early to go and do that because i'm pretty sure that this job isn't for me. anyways, i called on the other possibility, and i had to fax in my application today, and now all i have to do is get the rest of my references faxed in and make sure that i don't have to have a teacher fill out a reference form...maybe they'll let another friend do it. i'd have my gwendolyn fill it out and fax it in for me. i know if i did that it would get in on time. i didn't exactly get the questions that i had answered when i called this morning, but i'm thinking that it should be okay. once i get everything in for this, i'll make sure i get a direct answer to my questions.

other than that, there isn't a lot going on here. seriously. anyways, i should probably get going and find something more productive to do with my time.

God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.

i watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the pacific
and you might think i'm losing my mind
but i will shy away from the specifics
'cause i don't want you to know where i am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been
and this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there
that's exactly where i lost it
see that line
well i never should have crossed it
stop right there
well i never should have said that
it's the very moment that i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i becme
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

i talked to absolutely no one
couldn't keep to myself enough
and the things bottled inside had finally begun
to create so much pressure that i'd soon blow up
and i heard the reerberating footsteps
syncing up to the beating of my heart
and i was positive that unless
i got myself together i would watch me fall apart

and i can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been
and this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there
that's exactly where i lost it
see that line
well i never should have crossed it
stop right there
well i never should have said that
it's the very moment that i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

who i am hates who i've been
and who i am will take the second chance you gave me
who i am hates who i've been
'cause who i've been only ever made me

so sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been





i'm falling in love with this song all over again:

tonight i saw a shooting star
made me wonder where you are
for years i have been dreaming of you
and i wonder if you're think of me too

in this world of cheap romance
and love that only fades after the dance
they say that i'm a fool to wait for something more
how can i really love someone i've never seen before

but i have longed for true love every day that i have lived
and i know real love is all about learning how to give
so i pray that God will bring you to me
and i pray you'll find me waiting faithfully

faithfully, i am yours
from now unil forever
faithfully, i will write
write you a love song with my life
'cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
no matter how long it takes
i am yours
faithfully

tonight i saw two lovers kiss
reminded me of my own lonliness
they say that i'm a fool to keep on praying for you
how can i give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true

but i will keep believing that God still has a plan
and though i cannot see you now, i know that He can
and someday i will give you all of me
until i find you, i'll be waiting faithfully

faithfully, i am yours
from now until forever
faithfully, i will write
write you a love song with my life
'cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
no matter how long it takes
i am yours
faithfully

interviews and such

i have an interview today, and i'm also going to call about another possibility. i have questions about the second job, but i think it is the one i want. i hope that everything works out for it.

hey

i miss my liberty friends a lot. i don't know how to make people here understand that i need those people. they've become such a part of my life, and there are things that i will tell these girls that i have trouble admitting to myself. why can't people just understand that i'm not wanting to be rude, but i want to talk to my friends that i left behind. i know that i'll get to see them again, but i still need to have the few conversations with them because otherwise i would go insane.