Hospitals

I've never really liked them, but I could tolerate them. The smells, while not the best in the world, were a little comforting to me. Now, before you leave this blog thinking that you've come across some kind of crazy person, let me explain. I was fairly sick as a kid. I was born with asthma, and back then, there were no home nebulizers. If you had a bad asthma attack, you had to go to the ER. Well, one thing my mom could count on was my consistency. Every Friday night at midnight I would have an asthma attack. It got to the point where she would put me to bed (I was a monster if I didn't get my 8 hours of sleep at night) and then she would put my shoes on after I was asleep. She would keep my brother up (because he only required a mere 6 hours of sleep each night) and then when midnight hit she would have him go out to the car while she got me out of bed and then she brought us to the ER. The ER staff knew me by name and would usher me right to the back and begin giving me a breathing treatment. This happened until I was about 2. When I was 7, I began having migraines. My mom took me to lots of doctors and specialists to make sure that I didn't have some sort of nerve damage or tumor, so I again spent a lot of time around doctors and hospitals. Shortly after we figured out that I didn't have any tumors in my head, I began having some pretty major digestive problems. I was again going to many different specialists (one time we got a little lost and ended up in the wrong state!) so there we were again surrounded by these smells and sounds. Because of all of that, I was always aware of when I needed to get to the doctor. I have even broken a few bones which brings on even more doctor visits (and if you ever have a child who needs to get the bones in their arm set, insist that they are put completely out even if they say they don't want to be...otherwise it will ruin those little finger trap toys for them for LIFE).

Now I sit here, surrounded by all of the familiar sounds and smells, but it is different. It isn't me who is sick this time. It is my brother. He was almost never sick when we were kids. The last time he was in the hospital, I wasn't here. I was at a friend's house, and he was only here overnight. We are now on night number four, and we do not have an end in sight. He has yet to be without a tube in his throat. He is sedated. To be honest, I miss my brother. I want him healthy and home. We do not know why he had this happen. We do not yet have a name for the infection, but we have a name for what the infection did. This road that we are traveling with him is a road that we never wanted to travel, and yet, here we are.

I have found that this time, I'm not as fond of the hospital smells and sounds, but I am fond of the people taking care of my brother. The team here is completely amazing, and there is no way that my family and I could ever thank them sufficiently for how they have not only cared for Jason, but also cared for us. They not only come running when his machines beep, but they make sure that we are comfortable before they leave the room. They are completely amazing.

We are also overwhelmed by the amount of support that Jason is receiving from so many people around the country. Wow. We began a CaringBridge site to keep people updated on his progress more easily, and through that we have shared so much and received so much. My mom posted something about insurance needs for him, and we ended up finding out that he was going to be covered by insurance and then my employer offered to pay for his premium! The call about paying for the premium came just minutes after finding out that he actually was going to have the insurance. I also just got a message on Facebook about someone else wanting to contribute to the premium. Since that is taken care of, we are going to make them aware of the need for covering copays and living costs because he still has to pay rent while he is here and during his recovery. It has just been completely encouraging to watch the support around Jason grow and grow - people we don't even know are leaving comments and praying for his recovery to be faster than the doctors think it is going to be. That is what we want now - a recovery that astounds the doctors and leaves them speechless.

I can safely say that I do not like hospitals, and I can safely say that I do not want to be in one for a very long time when this is all over. I believe that it will be some time before the smells and sounds here are in any way comforting to me, but I am eternally grateful for this hospital and the wonderful staff attending to my brother. They are doing what his family can not right now. We do not even know how to begin thanking them.

Well...

I haven't really known what to write here for a few days except for a desperate plea for prayer for my brother. I am currently sitting in his hospital room - my mom is also here - and listening to the sound of the ventilator. I would so much rather be talking about what we are going to do for the upcoming Harry Potter movie, but instead, I am here.

I guess, I'll share a funny story from this morning. My mom and I were sitting and I looked over and noticed that he was moving. He's not supposed to be moving right now. He's supposed to be completely still because they want him resting and relaxing and healing. Well, we went and got the nurse and she came and was adjusting the medications, and we thought we had gotten him back under so mom went out to the lobby with Tim to eat lunch, but we were wrong. He wasn't quite back under. In short, he reached up to try and take stuff out, and I told him "No!" and he dropped his hand down hard onto the bed. I was holding his hand and he tried to reach up again and I said, "Jason Richard Taylor, you need to stop trying to take your stuff out! Hold my hand down here on the pillow." He then started trying to push me away and I told him "You can try all you want to push me away but I'm not going anywhere." He then stuck his tongue out at me. All of this with his eyes closed. Makes me laugh. He's still in there...just waiting to come out. We need him to hang in there a little longer and sleep so that he can get better.

Thank you all for your prayers. They are much appreciated. We have a Caring Bridge site dedicated to him. If you would like to see the updates, please go here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jasontaylor1

please pray for my brother. he is in the icu in respiratory failure. isll update more when i have more information.

Day 13: Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

Wow. There are a lot of things that I would like to change about myself. I think one of the things that I would like to change is my health. I come from a family with a lot of health problems, and the more I read about natural things, the more I think that the chemicals that we use are making us sick.

The more I think about it, the more I see disease now and we use so many chemicals from face wash to things in our foods. I'm beginning to journey down a road of natural products, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this will affect my health for the better.

Day 12: Write about what wears you out as a woman.

I know that I'm doing a couple posts in one day, but I got a few days behind, and would like to try and catch up a little - I'm thinking I'll probably do one more post today and then try for one a day until I'm done.


What wears me out as a woman, currently, that's trying to be who the world thinks I should be. I should be good at something or I should be skinny. My hair should always be perfect, and I should have the cutest clothes in the latest styles. Now, I will admit to having the cutest shoes (I'm kind of in love with shoes and will buy lots of them, even if I have nothing to wear them with yet), but it is exhausting trying to be who the world wants you to be. It is exhausting being yourself, so why would you try to be someone else's version of you?

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you...Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" Psalm 139:1-18, 23-24 (emphasis mine)

Day 11: Post a recipe.

Okay, so I don't really measure things for recipes, but one of my favorite things right now is chicken sauteed with onions and minced garlic in olive oil and steamed garlic green beans and some sort of fruit on the side - usually a clementine or something like that.

To cook this, I chop the chicken and onion into squares and I use store-bought minced garlic because I don't have the patience to mince it myself, and I use about a spoonful. I add a little olive oil in the pan and cook until the chicken is done - by that point, the onions are mostly caramelized and delicious.

In a separate pot, I put water with a little bit of salt and a spoonful of minced garlic and then I use the steamer insert with fresh green beans and I steam those until they are just barely tender.

Sorry there isn't more of a recipe...I typically just throw things into the pot and hope it turns out well.