when you're so sure

so, i have to say that i've been guilty of assuming i know what God's plan for me is...even getting mad when i found out that He had something different planned. this has happened so many times that recently, i decided that from the beginning i was going to pray that if it wasn't His plan, i would be okay with it.

then His plan was revealed in this situation, and you know what? i'm okay. i'm not going to die because MY plan wasn't  GOD'S plan. i'm actually really okay with whatever His plan turns out to be. i just know that right now, His plan is not for me to move to mississippi...even when i was fairly sure that i would be moving.

isn't it amazing? you can be SO sure of something and then God. He comes along and says, "no, child. that's not what i want for you right now." and it is just amazing how it can all work out when you aren't so focused on your own plan.

let's be honest

it has been a long time. i've sat down many times to write a post, and i have several unfinished ones, but that is where they will remain - unfinished.

i've reached a point recently that i can't ignore in my life. i've reached a point of not being able to run anymore. i don't know if i've mentioned it here or not, but when i left new york, i was running away from ministry. i was running away from what God had called me to do with my life. i was broken, empty, and running, so i ran home - into the loving and ever comforting arms of my family. these past three-and-a-half years have been amazing. i've grown so much...and my heart has healed. my heart took some time to be filled with God, but it has healed. i'll be honest, my heart had healed from the brokenness of new york a little over 2 years ago. i remember talking with jason about wanting to either go back to school or get back into full-time ministry. i wasn't sure which one God was leading me towards, and he was mentioning the same thing. we were excited for each other as we pursued new avenues of life. then, a couple short weeks later, jason got sick, and everything else didn't seem nearly as important as that. when he left this earth, my heart wasn't just broken, it was shattered. i didn't know how to breathe anymore, and i seriously questioned God during that time.

it took some time...many, many months...for my heart to not be questioning anymore, and it took even longer for my heart to feel whole again.

so i sit here now ready for what God has next. i sit here now ready to dive into full-time ministry again. i know that it is going to be draining, but it will be a good kind of draining.

i'm waiting to hear about a job at a church. this job would be my dream job. i would be working with junior high and high school girls. training leaders and helping them reach others. just thinking about that environment makes my heart excited. i know that God could definitely take me in another direction, but right now, i have faith that this could be the job that i didn't know i was waiting for. the job that i didn't know He was preparing me for. the job where i lean on Him as He leads me to lead others.

let's be adventurous.