it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

seriously.

i guess it sometimes takes a while to hit me. i'm at home now, and i'm looking at the decorations that have been up for a couple weeks now, and i'm thinking "wow...it's finally starting to feel like Christmas to me." i'm needing to start my shopping and make sure i get all of that done before it's too late! now, in my defense, i've been super busy this year. i've been working 2 jobs and doing full-time online classes, but things are starting to wind down for me now, and i'm getting time to think about the things i've been able to do and the things i haven't, and let me tell you, the list of things i haven't gotten done is much longer than the list of things that i have gotten done. it's kind of crazy to think about.

i'm leaving here in just over 3 weeks, and i've gotten nothing ready to go yet...i'm so totally unprepared to leave, and yet, i can't wait to go. it's gonna be a great reunion with friends when i get there! well, i need to get going and finish my school work...i've just got 2 more tests and a set of essay questions to turn in, and then i'm done until next month! and, i'll be one month closer to being completely done with school! i'm super excited about that, but at the same time, i'm really scared to be done with school...it's kind of the fear of the unknown, i guess. well, now i really need to go. i hope that you, my reader, have a great day, and i'm taking the time right now to wish you a merry Christmas because i don't know when i'll be writing in here again...i'm not so great at keeping up with this thing.

the right place

this is kind of inspired by something someone close to me wrote recently. you know who you are...i think

i was talking with my mom the other night, and we were talking about my life over the past several months. i stayed at home for a semester to work and take online classes. while i was home, i learned some valuable lessons about who i am, and about my relationship with God. one thing i learned was that even when we don't deserve something, God can choose to bless us.

a little background to that: i recently changed my major, and for my new major, i have to have an internship. i was told that you need to start applying for internships at least 2 semesters before you want to be doing it. smart person i am didn't apply for any internships. for some reason, i thought that i would apply later, and i kept saying that to myself. then, all of a sudden, it was october, and i hadn't applied for an internship, and i wanted to be starting my internship in june. this was no good. through some random connections i have, i ended up with an interview on october 31, and i was pretty excited about that. then, i showed up for the interview-ish thing, and quickly got discouraged. they were looking for someone who needed an internship right away, and they didn't need anyone over the summer. great. then, the lady i was talking with got an idea and went into the other room and came back with someone else. this other person needed an intern for the summer and was super happy to be meeting with me. and, a couple short weeks later, i was handed a job description, and i have the internship starting in may.

so, as my mom and i were talking, she brought out this book that she used when talking with my brother at one point, and she showed it to me. the circumstances surrounding my decision to stay at home probably weren't the best things in the world, but i know that this is where i was supposed to be for this school term. here's an excerpt from what my mom showed me earlier tonight:

"Thank You that You have me in the place You want me just now...that even if I got here through wrong choices of indifference or even rebellion, yet You knew my mistakes and sins before I ever existed, and You worked them into Your plan to draw me to Yourself, to mold and bless me, and to bless others through me.

Thank You that I can safely commit my location and situation to You. I can 'be willing for you to shift me anywhere on life's checkerboard, or bury me anywhere in life's garden, gladly yielding myself for You to please Yourself with, anywhere and anyway You choose' (source unknown)

So I rest in the fact that You have me in this place for this day, and I praise You that You will faithfully guide me throughout life to just where You want me to be, as I seek to do Your will.

And most important of all is my place in You. How delighted I am to have You as my dwelling place where I can settle down, feel secure and be content anywhere on earth...You are my blessed home, 'where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble' (Andrew Murray). How my soul delights to hide in the secret of Your presence...to take refuge in the shadow of Your wings, to eat at Your table, to drink my fill of the river of Your delights. How blessed I am, my King and my God, for You have chosen me, and brought me near, to live in Your presence, to behold Your delightfulness, to seek Your counsel...And to think that I will dwell in Your house forever!"


this is something i was thinking about...if i hadn't stayed at home, i wouldn't have this amazing internship opportunity in a Christian environment with people that i enjoy being around working for a cause that i believe in.

and, although i didn't understand being torn away from the friends that had come to be a part of my daily life from september through may, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. i'm seriously so excited to be heading back to that side of the country in just over a month.

right now, something is confusing me a lot. i don't know what i should do about it, and i'm hoping that it doesn't come up before i'm 3,000 miles away listening to my friends call someone their future friend-in-law...because that makes me laugh...and it doesn't make my head hurt from listening to them...thinking about what's going on right now in my life makes my head hurt a lot, and i don't like it at all. it's kind of bittersweet...

here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above

who holds your heart?

so, i read a bumper sticker this weekend, and it said, "Dear heart, I met a boy today. Prepare to shatter."

now, in the world's eyes, this might be kind of funny, but it started making me think. are we, as humans, supposed to trust our hearts in the hands of other humans who can damage them? i know that when you are in a relationship and everything, you're going to trust that person with everything that you are, but just in general, i was really thinking about myself, i guess. i've completely given my heart to God to hold. He is the only One who has the right to in my opinion. He is the only One who isn't going to crush you or damage you, so the seat of your emotions should be rooted in Him, not in some boy or girl that you may have met recently.

i know that when you're married or in a deeply committed relationship things are going to be different. you can give that person the key to your heart.

i guess i've also been challenged by a hymn recently. the end of the last verse says, "here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above." and i truly believe that God should be the One who has our hearts in His more than capable hands. when you give your life over to Him, you are giving Him your everything, and i believe that something as simple as your heart should be in His hands instead of in the hands of another fallen human being. i believe that there would be a lot less heartache if we were to leave our hearts in the hands of their Creator and trust Him to care for them instead of trusting someone who is no better at life than we are.






okay, so i don't really know if that last post made sense to you as a reader, but it was a random thought that i had to get out, and i didn't really know where else to put it, so i thought here was a good place. and, in case you don't know and want to know, the name of the hymn i referenced earlier in the post is "Come, Thou Fount".

falling in love with these verses...

Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you. How? you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God.


2 Corinthians 5:14-21 (The Message)

life is a bit better now than it was a few weeks ago...i think i'm starting to get a hang of this whole staying at home for a semester thing...well, i should probably get back downstairs...i'm making dinner...nachos...yum!

i'm singing this today...

break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before You. when You meet me here i am found, in all my weakness. my gifts alone can't amke a sound, that You are pleased with. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.

Holy Father uncover me. You, the truth that set me free. break my pride 'till all i see, is all of You uncovering me.

Your gaze has brought me to my knees. Lord, i am broken. my heart alone is all You see, exposed and open. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.

Holy Father uncover me. You, the truth that set me free. break my pride 'till all i see, is all of You uncovering me.

break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. break me, take me, make me new. broken, surrendered, before you. the light of Your presence reveals my heart. it's there in that moment i'm set apart.




title: uncover
sung by: liberty university campus praise band

okay, not a lot has happened in the last month...i just realized that i hadn't posted on here in a month and decided to give whatever readers i have a little note to say that i'm still alive!

i'm working at the courthouse athletic club in the kids court and at the salem academy preschool and daycare (yeah...that's right...2 different jobs...but both dealing with children).

so far i like both of my jobs which is nice. i LOVE working at the courthouse, and i just started at salem academy, so i'm not quite sure how that one is gonna go. well, i'm super hungry, and i have to post something on blackboard for my english class. i hope you all have a wonderful day!

so i didn't end up leaving. i'm home this semester to pay off some debt...and then go back in january. that's all for now...i think...

colbie caillat

amazing music
























































i'm leaving home in 2 weeks







































































































and i don't think i'm ready.

So, I just have to say that I love iTunes single of the week. This week is the song bubbly by colbie caillat, and I’m seriously falling in love with this song…so, I went to target last night and bought her cd. It’s definitely one that you’re gonna want to pick up, and right now, it’s only 7.98 at target. Here’s the lyrics to bubbly:

I’ve been awake for a while now
You’ve got me feeling like a child now
‘Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

The rain is falling on my windowpane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just… mmmmmmmm

And it starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
‘Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holding me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go

...

i watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the pacific and
you might think i'm losing my mind
but i will shy away from the specifics

'cause i don't want you to know where i am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest place it's ever been

this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

i talked to absolutely no one
couldn't keep to myself enough
and the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that i'll soon blow up

i heard the reverberating footsteps
synching up to the beating of my heart
and i was positive that unless i got myself together,
i would watch me fall apart

and i can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest place it's ever been

this is no place to try and live my life

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it.
see that line. well i never should have crossed it.
stop right there. well i never should have said
that it's the very moment that
i wish that i could take back

i'm sorry for the person i became
i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

who i am hates who i've been
and who i am will take the second chance you gave me
who i am hates who i've been
'cause who i've been only ever made me

so sorry for the person i became
so sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again
'cause who i am hates who i've been
who i am hates who i've been

oh, life

it's fairly interesting right now. i'm working my 2 jobs for the summer and keeping pretty busy with them...i need to try and talk with my manager and see about getting some more hours because i definitely need more hours.

today, i went out to my car to drive to work and i saw that my rear driver side tire was seriously almost flat. joy. so, i had to go to a gas station before i left for work...which, i was already running late. so, i called around and got quotes for fixing my tires, and i ended up spending about $100 for 2 new tires...and apparantly that tire just decided to be low this morning. there wasn't anything wrong with it.

and, tomorrow, i get to go spend a lot more money on getting new axles and cv boots for my car. i'm hoping that it's only one of them that needs to be fixed and not both...because then it will be a whole heck of a lot cheaper.

anyways, i should probably get going...i need to run a couple errands before i go to amy and nathan's to get my hair cut. that's right, i'm getting a hair cut...and it's going to be fairly short because my hair is pretty damaged right now. gotta go!

i feel

stuck...and i don't know how to get out. that's all for now. i think.

life...or something like it

so, i'm in iowa right now, and i'm leaving early tomorrow morning. me and emily are driving to omaha late tonight/early tomorrow morning, and i'm gonna be getting on a plane and flying home. it's kinda weird to think about...all i really want to do right now is head back to lynchburg and go to my apartment and be home there, but i've got time at home before i can go back out there. it's gonna be amazing summer and i'm excited for it...i'm just ready to be back in my apartment in lynchburg. anyways, i should probably get going. i'll maybe write more this summer.

it's a beautiful life

well, this is a bittersweet time of the year. classes are done today and tomorrow, and then finals are starting on friday. i'm looking forward to being home for the summer, but i'm also going to be missing out on living in my apartment for the first 2 months that we have it. i have a lot to do at home, and while i have a job, i need to find another one so that i can afford to do the drive across the country and pay to fix my car and pay my mom back for what she fixed in my car. i love the fact that i'm going to be home. i can't wait to see my friends and spend time with them. this summer is going to be amazing.

i'm in class right now, and i definitely don't want to be, but i haven't done the correct presentation for the class, so i still have to present. the teacher is going through the lesson and then it is going to be my turn.

i'm excited about classes being done and getting to go home, but i'm not so excited about not seeing everyone here for the summer. i hate how things work like that.

and, i'm convinced that emily isn't getting her $50...unless something changes a lot in either me or the other person who needs to be involved for the $50 to come into play.

well, i should probably get going. i think it's about time for me to present my day at the beach for my adult center in my daycare administration class. i don't want to give this presentation, but i don't have any other presentations or assignments for the rest of the semester. all i have to do now is get ready for my finals. joy.

it never ceases to amaze me

when God meets me where i am

i think i might die

seriously. this next week-and-a-half are going to be the death of me. i don't know how much more of this "all-nighter" crap i can take before i break down...and then with people adding things onto what's required of me this week, i think i'm about to crack. my marketing group isn't that happy with me right now, and then there's all of the other things that i have to do, and i just don't know what to do about it all. it's not like i can just not show up to work...that wouldn't be okay, and then they want me to put the marketing assignment above everything else, but that just isn't going to happen...my marketing grade definitely isn't the most important grade to me. i'd rather be doing well in the classes that actually mean something to me in my future...aka my family and child development classes and my women's ministries class. okay, i need to get back to work on my project that's due in about 15 hours...i still have a lot left to do. i hope you all are having a better end to your semester than i am.
































life is good...ETERNAL LIFE IS BETTER!!!

why

do i have to be a girl? sometimes i wonder if it is really worth it...

*sigh*

i sit here on my bed wondering exactly why i am up at this moment. i would love to be asleep right now, but for some reason, i'm not. i was up under the pretense of needing to call a few people at home, and the time difference makes it so that the best time to call them is when it is super late here...and i'm okay with that, but i've called all of the people i needed to call, and yet, i haven't gone to bed. i was thinking that i would read some more for my women's ministries class, but i'm not reading, i'm listening to music and surfing the internet, and what for, really? it's not like this is something that is going to benefit me at all...ever, and yet, i can't really seem to get myself to go to bed right now...even though i have to be up in 5 hours to get ready for my first class. it's going to be a rough morning...

i'm looking forward to the summer. i'm going to be home, and i'm pretty excited about that. i'm also going to be starting to look at internships for next summer because i need to start doing that. i don't even know what to do for an internship...seriously...it's going to be interesting trying to find something for what i want to do.

anyways, i should probably go and actually read some for women's ministries since that form is due on thursday and i still have a lot to read for it.

hunger

lately, i've been so hungry for God's Word recently. it's not like i'm even reading through a really exciting part of the Bible right now...i mean, i'm reading through Leviticus...definitely not the most exciting book to read through...but for some reason, i haven't been able to put the book down. i feel like there's so much here that i'm done with. i'm going home to work for the summer, and then i'm coming back out here and living off campus...getting all situated in my major and getting everything i can in order to start my internship.























































i hope this hunger stays for a while...















































*sigh* i'm falling in love all over again...

blog title

Okay, so you may look at the title of this particular blog entry and think: “wow…that’s original…” well, original isn’t what I’m going for…I’m going for honesty about the title of my blog site. It says that I am learning to let go. Well, God has really been showing me that letting go of myself is what brings me closer to Him. Allowing Him to take control of my life, my plans, my future, my thoughts. I’ve been looking into internships for the summer of 2008, and it’s kind of intimidating, but I know that everything will happen the way that it is supposed to, and I know that God will show me the internship that He has for me. Waiting to see what’s actually going to happen from here is kind of exciting as it is frightening because I don’t like not knowing, but I will know in His timing. It’s going to be an interesting ride.

.come.thou.fount.

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

.deeper.higher.longer.wider.

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Your love is
deeper than my view of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road i travel
wider than the gap You filled

deeper than my veiw of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road i travel
wider than the gap You filled

who shall separate us
who shall separate us from Your love
nothing can separate us
nothing can separate us from Your love

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

what have i become?

last night i was listening to my music on my computer, and this song came on that continues to break me. listening to the words just makes me think about my life and where i am right now. the first verse especially. it is "i come into this place burning to receive Your peace i come with my own chains from wars i fought for my own selfish gains. You're my God and my Father i've accepted Your Son but my soul feels so empty now, what have i become?"

over the past couple days that's what i've been thinking. what have i become? it's time for a self-examination. time to let God take away the things that are displeasing to Him. time to really look at my life and get rid of the things that don't need to be there. time to get transparent with the people around me.

i don't know how i got here, but i'm determined not to stay. i'm determined to leave this place in my life. i'm determined to never return to this place again. i'm making a change, and it's for the better.

that's all for now. i think. maybe i'll write more later, but i think now i'm gonna go have lunch with my roommate and a couple other friends.

.don't.let.me.go.

take my heart and help me feel
take my faith and make it real
take my eyes and help me see
all the love surrounding me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

take my loss and take my gain
take my trials and take my pain
take my life and let it be
all that You would have for me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

don't let me go
hold me close to where You are
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me
don't let me go
take my heart, take all of me

sweet Jesus

sweet Jesus, wash over me
would come and sweep me off of my feet, please
it's been two long weeks since You've heard me speak
and i was hoping that You might like to meet me
i heard You heal the broken hearted
even those who've been discarded
oh how i need You
i need to hear You say
need to hear You say

don't worry now
don't worry how
everything just seems to all work out
would You sing me now to sleep

sweet Jesus, wash over me
would come and sweep me off of my feet, please
it's been far too long since i've sang Your song
and i was hoping that You might like to meet me
i heard You heal the broken hearted
even those who've been discarded
oh how I need You
i need to hear You say
need to hear You say

don't worry now
don't worry how
everything just seems to all work out
would You sing me now to sleep

wow

God is amazing. He continues to show me daily how wonderful life with Him is. i've been told by my advsor that i can graduate in december of 2008, which is pretty exciting. then, i think i'm going to start grad school, and try to finish that asap. i'm not sure what i'm going to do after i graduate, or where i'm going to go, but i know that that will come in time. even though things are up in the air, which i hate, i am going to just trust God and see where He leads me. i now also have to figure out where i'm going to do my internship in the summer of 2008 if i really do want to graduate in december of that year, but that will all come in time. i've got to get some stuff done here before then also. anyways, i'm leaving for work soon.

and, what about you, my blog reader, what is God showing you today?

i've decided

that migraines, while you're a student, are possibly the worst thing ever. i've had one for 2 days now, and i'm thinking that it's insane that one will hold on for this long. my eyes hurt so bad that i'm wearing my glasses, but i can't find the ones that will actually correct the problem that i'm having with my eyes right now because my dorm room is such a mess. i need to make sure to take something before i go to work tonight.

why

is letting go of the things of this world so hard, and yet, i seem to let go of the things of God so easily? i know that i can't live without God, and i don't even want to try, but the things of this world are so enticing that i just can't give them up. for instance, the other day, my roommate and i went shopping for something for her, and i ended up getting a pair of shoes. now, getting a pair of shoes isn't a bad thing, but at the same time, how many pairs of shoes do i own? do i really need to buy myself another pair of shoes? the answer to the first question, i couldn't answer...i have a lot of shoes here, and a lot that i left at home. the answer to the next question is a definite no. there is no way on this earth that i needed to buy myself a new pair of shoes, but i did, and i love them. do i ever get that way about reading my Bible? or how about going to church? does that ever become something that i am so consumed about that makes me want to do absolutely nothing else?

just something to think about.

i'm hungry for God's Word right now.

.can.you.hear.it.?.

trees of life are blooming ..Your word plants the seed..and we see it growing..Your kindness leading to repentance..we see traces of deliverance..Lord, thank You for mercy..oh, can you hear it?..it’s the song of the redeemed..the pursuit of passion for the One who set us free..oh can you hear it?..we’re crying out for more..so listen to our song..it’s turning into a holy roar..a holy roar..rivers of renewal..spirit whisper a revival..and send us rushing..lord send us rushing..oh, can you hear it?..it’s the song of the redeemed..the pursuit of passion for the One who set us free..oh can you hear it?..we’re crying out for more..so listen to our song..it’s turning into a holy roar..a holy roar..open hearts with hopes of unity..we’re servants to love in lost humanity..Lord send us reaching..and we come rejoicing and singing and crying out to You Lord..can You hear the holy roar..as we respond to Who You are and all that You have done..Lord with our lives, with all that we are..we return to You, Oh God..You are holy God..we lay down our lives, our songs, these tears, Lord..can You hear the holy roar? these cries, these prayers..can You hear the holy roar?..still hear the holy roar

.here.now.

here i am once again
i pour out my heart
for i know that You hear
every cry, You are listening
no matter what state
my heart is in
You are faithful to answer
with words that are true
and a hope that is real
as i feel Your touch
You bring a freedom
to all that's within
in the safety of this place
i'm longing to
pour out my heart
to say that i love You
pour out my heart
to say that i need You
pour out my heart
to say that i'm thankful
pour out my heart
to say that You're wonderful

here i am
humbled by Your majesty
covered by Your grace so free
here i stand
knowing i'm a sinful man
covered by the blood of the lamb
now i've found
the greatest love of all is mine
since You laid down Your life
the greatest sacrifice
singing Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as i am
empty handed but alive in Your hands
singing Majesty, Majesty
forever i am changed by Your love
in the presence of Your majesty
here i am
humbled by the love that You give
forgiven so that i can forgive
here i stand
knowing that i'm Your desire
sanctified by glory and fire
now i've found
the greatest love of all is mine
since You laid down Your life
the greatest sacrifice
singing Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as i am
and i'm nothing but alive in Your hands
singing Majesty, Majesty
forever i am changed by Your love
in the beauty of Your majesty

take my heart, i lay it down
at the feet of You who's crowned
take my life, i'm letting go
i lift it up to You who's throwned
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
take my fret, take my fear
all i have i'm leaving here
be all my hopes, be all my dreams
be all my delights, be my everything
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
it's just You and me here now
only You and me here now
it's just You and me here now
only You and me here now
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord
and i will worship You Lord
only You Lord

here i am completely amazed by the grace of God. there are no words to describe how amazing it is that He has chosen to use me. little me...it doesn't seem like i can do much for Him, but for some reason He's using me. sometimes i feel so insignificant, and then i remember that i am being used by God. all i can do is tell Him that i am here. ready to be used. ready to praise Him for all that He's done in my life. serving God is one of the most amazing things ever. i hope that everyone gets to experience this at some point in their lives.

life as i know it right now

is insane. it's like i don't have time for anything except for school work, but i refuse to give up my social life. it's insane. seriously.

other than that, i have a couple classes that are pretty easy. my women's ministries class is amazing. i can't wait to have the rest of my classes for that minor. it's going to be a lot of fun. now, i'm going to watch some more prison break because i need to see the things that i missed from the first season, and i need to see the episode that i missed from last week. anyways, i hope you are all having a great week...whoever you are.

unusual...

that's how my life has been lately. it's kind of awkward sometimes, and very, very unusual. but, whatever, life is life and there's nothing i can do about it. today in campus church, we sang several of my favorite songs. here's a summary of them...a few of them will have all of the words:

single minded
whole hearted
one thing i ask
single minded
whole hearted
one thing i ask
that i may gaze upon Your beauty oh Lord
that i may seek Your holy face
that i may know You in an intimate way
and follow after You all of my days
and all of life comes down to just one thing
and that's to know You oh Jesus
to make You known
all of life comes down to just one thing
and that's to know you oh Jesus
to make You known

a thousand times i've failed
still Your mercy remains
and should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace
everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
yeah
Your will above all else
my purpose remains
the art of losing myself
in bringing You praise
everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
yeah
in my heart and my soul
i give You control
consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
become my embrace
to love You from the inside out
everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
and the cry of my heart
is to bring You praise
from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

all i've got
and all i am
all my dreams
and all my plans
i'm holding back
i'm holding nothing back from You
all i've got
and all i am
all my dreams
and all my plans
i'm holding back
i'm holding nothing back from You
i surrender it all
i lay it before You
for all of my days
i give You the glory
You've caused me to see
my heart is divided
so take all of my
'cause i have decided
all i've got
and all i am
all my dreams
and all my plans
i'm holding back
i'm holding nothing back from You
all i've got
and all i am
all my dreams
and all my plans
i'm holding back
i'm holding nothing back from You

hey

i really miss you...and i don't even know who you are...this is kind of rediculous...i've had this feeling for several days, and i'm ready for it to go away. not that i don't want to miss you, but it is kind of awkward since i haven't even met you yet. seriously.

today was the first day of classes, and we had a 2 hour delay. it was pretty glorious because that meant that i didn't have my 7:50 class, which is amazing. i only have that class 1 time this week. i'm pretty excited about that. tomorrow, i start my day of classes at 9:20, and i end at 4:10. i'm not too happy about the ending time, but what can you do, right? that last class is one that's required for graduation, so why not get it done and over with now? i'm also taking a women's ministry class that i'm pretty excited about. lately i've been thinking more about using my major in ministry somehow, and this should help a lot. after this semester, i'll have taken 2 women's ministry classes (not both at liberty, but who's counting that?). i think it's a good thing. little did i know that some of the classes i took during my really random semester at western would have ended up working out for my major? not me, that's for sure! i was just thinking that those classes were ones i took for fun...they ended up being fairly helpful. anyways, i should probably get going. i don't want to, but i should go to bed now because i have to get up and shower and everything in the morning. i'll probably get up before my alarm goes off because emily is getting up before me. that's okay though. maybe i'll get down to the dining hall and have something to eat because i don't get lunch until after 1:35. anyways, i'm gonna go to bed now.

i've decided

that i really don't want to start classes tomorrow. it's not gonna be fun. especially leaving my dorm when it's still going to be freezing outside. that's gonna be no fun at all. and, it's a full week of classes. i know that it's not gonna be just 3 days and then another weekend, it's actually gonna be a full week of homework assignments and studying and lectures and convo. i just don't think i'm ready for this.

...

at the foot of the cross
where grace and sufferring meet
You have shown me Your love
through the judgement You received
and You've won my heart
yes, You've won my heart
now i can

trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross

at the foot of the cross
where i am made complete
You have given me life
through the death You bore for me
and You've won my heart
yes, You've won my heart
now i can

trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the food of the cross

my friends are AMAZING!

they came over tonight for a taco dinner for my birthday, and they're freaking amazing. first, i should probably start at the beginning of my day: i got up and got ready and then went to see the movie ''freedom writers'' with sarah (she took me for my birthday) and it's pretty good. i liked it a lot. then, cristi called me and she wanted to see if we could watch "our" movie before my party thing, and i was like "sure, it's all good" so i went and picked her up and brought her back to my house where we proceeded to watch "music from another room" (don't judge if you've never seen it. it's kinda cheesy, but a good story). then, those who weren't busy came over for the dinner, and we had a good time talking and just hanging out, and then i opened the presents that they got me. amy and nathan got me shampoo and conditioner from bath and body works (warm vanilla sugar scented), and kari and michael got me body lotion and body wash and a loofa in a cool bag (white jasmine scented), and connie got me a couple pieces of wood and a target gift card. they're really amazing. i love them all. then, we had cake and talked some more and then we watched ''ocean's eleven'' and then everyone went home. now, i'm getting ready to go to bed so that i can get up in the morning and go work at the coffee stand at church (i'll actually probably end up playing with the babies and then making deliveries to our regular customers who work in different sunday school classes).

pretty much...

my mom and my brother are amazing. they got me a new phone for my birthday, and it's freaking amazing. seriously. it's the phone that i've wanted for like a year, and they're amazing. that's all i have to say for now. i love my mom and my brother!

so...

break is almost over, and i'm thinking it's kind of bittersweet. i went out to canyonview yesterday and i visited with shawn and i saw ren, melissa, sherylin, and austin. it was a good time. and tomorrow, i'm gonna head out to western and visit katrina and hopefully see melissa while i'm out there.

this saturday, i'm having a birthday/going away taco dinner with the college age kids from church. it's gonna be a good time. and then, at some point, i'm gonna go out with sarah for a little while.

i'm leaving for school in less than a week, and i'm pretty excited about that. then, there's a couple hockey games next weekend at school, and i'm pretty excited about those. i've missed hockey over the break.

well, i'm gonna get going. i'm watching friends with my mom while she's trying to figure out her new phone. i'm a little bit jealous of her for getting the new phone...it's the phone that i wanted, but i'll end up getting it at some point...probably next month or something.

haha

so, i've realized that i change my web address often enough to deter people from actually reading this because they're not going to be able to keep up with it, but i change it to what i'm feeling at the time. it's not something i do intentionally, but it is something i do. anyways, i just got some of my new stuff in the mail today, and it's pretty glorious. now, i'm just waiting for my suitcases, and i think that's all the new stuff until i get the things for my birthday! it's kind of weird to be home for a month and celebrate both birthday and christmas all in that small period of time, but i do like to be able to be home. my friends and i are going to have a birthday dinner for me a week from friday, and i'm pretty excited for it. other than that, there isn't a lot going on with me here. for some reason, i just felt like i needed to post something.

new year...new beginnings

it's amazing. the prospect of a new year. i know that this year holds so much potential, and i'm ready for whatever it throws at me. i've had some amazing experiences, aliong with some not so amazing experiences, in 2006, and now i'm ready for 2007. and now, to recap the past few days in my life, i went to TLC with my youth group as a leader. it was SO much fun to be able to spend that time with the high school girls from my church there. in case you don't know, TLC stands for "teen leadership conference". it's this conference out at wildhorse canyon (a young life camp) in antelope, oregon, and it's a place for renewal in your spiritual and resources to help you lead in your youth group. it was really cool to sit down and be real with the girls who went on the retreat. it makes me want to find a church in lynchburg that i can get involved in for while i'm at school. i didn't realize how much i missed being able to spend that kind of time with high school girls. i was also able to sit down and be real with some friends who i was catching up with on the trip. it was amazing to spend time with cristi and connie talking about anything and everything under the sun. we haven't done that in so long, and it was great to be able to share struggles and life experiences with each other over those 3 days we were living together. aaaannnndddd i got to catch up with some other friends that i haven't seen in entirely too long (john, craig, elise). the main speaker and the workshop leaders were amazing and i really learned a lot from them. also, kacey's in town until friday, and it's been great getting to spend time with him. i think that this break would have been much sadder if kacey had been in brasil for the whole time i was home. and now to today, i went to church this morning and saw some other people that i hadn't seen since i'd been home, and it was good to see them and kind of catch up with them about how life's been over the past several months. and then i went to a friend's house to play games and bring in the new year with them. anyways, to you, my blog reader, happy new year. may it be the best year of your life to date.


so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogs bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that could hold us back.